Communication is the cornerstone of any successful relationship, and this is particularly true of couples. Expressing your wants, needs and desires openly is essential to building a solid relationship. As the years go by as a couple, routine sets in and everyone's desires can be taken for granted. This can lead to an impasse where the libido becomes more subdued. In this article, we take you step by step through the process of communicating your desires as a couple, putting your own expectations into words and rekindling desire.

Know yourself

Experimentation and discovery

To take pleasure with another person, you need to have explored your pleasure on your own beforehand. That way we can work out what we like and what we don't like.

Most of the time, to know if you like something, you need to have already tried it out, don't you think?

Don't hesitate to experiment with new practices on your own or with your partner. This approach allows you to get out of your comfort zone and explore new facets of your personality.

There are many ways to get to know yourself, including meditation, intuitive writing, tracking your menstrual cycle, masturbation and much more! As for your sexuality, we strongly recommend that you record your attempts, desires and limits in a sexual menu. We'll talk about this in more detail below.

Exploring with a vibrator

Vibrators are our best friends when it comes to learning about our pleasures. Their different vibration modes allow us to identify the sensitivity of our erogenous zones and the intensity we like. They also encourage us to be more present in our bodies and to take control of our own arousal.

At Puissante, our best-seller Coco is the perfect ally for exploring pleasure. It offers dual stimulation with both suction and vibration, and bends to provide both internal and external stimulation. To choose the vibrator that will make your heart skip a beat, find out more beforehand!

Talking to yourself

To better understand your desires, journaling can be the perfect tool.

Here are a few tips for your moment of introspection.

• What gives me the most pleasure in my intimate experiences?
• What kinds of caresses, gestures or words make me feel most comfortable and connected to my partner?
• What fantasies have I already imagined without necessarily wanting to fulfil them?
• What sexual practices make me curious, but unsure about exploring them?
• What past experiences have allowed me to discover new sources of pleasure?
• What are my clear, non-negotiable limits in an intimate context?
• To what extent do I feel ready to communicate my desires and limits openly with a partner?
• Do I feel more comfortable with spontaneous encounters or in a reassuring, familiar setting?
• How do I react to the new or unexpected in my intimate experiences?
• What elements or types of relationship are essential for me to feel fully fulfilled and respected in my sexuality?

These questions not only help you to better define what's important to you, but also to explore aspects of your sexuality that you may not have considered before.

Trust your intuition

Intuition, often associated with women, is much more than just an emotional response. Far from being a mysticism, intuition is a universal ability accessible to everyone, strengthening our decision-making.

Rather than being limited to hunches, it complements logic and plays a key role in all aspects of life, including professional and personal choices. 🔑

Using a tarot deck, oracle or other self-connection medium helps cultivate this intuition. By putting images and words to our feelings, the oracle acts as a mirror to our unconscious, helping us to better understand and navigate our emotions and decisions.

At Puissante, we've created our modern Oracle, with 32 cards that guide you to ask the right questions and find answers. 🌟

The different types of desire

Libido discrepancies in a couple are totally normal, but they are often accompanied by withdrawal, when the solution is always to talk about it!

In general, men and women experience desire differently. Far from being a natural state of being linked to gender, it's more a cultural construct dating back thousands of years that has separated us. It is said that men often have spontaneous desire, which arises instinctively and naturally, without the need for direct stimulation.

This type of desire can arise without any obvious erotic stimulus. Women, on the other hand, are more likely to have a reactive desire, which requires external stimulation to be aroused; desires vary from person to person .

What's more, hormonal fluctuations can lead to a mixed desire in women, combining elements of spontaneous and reactive desire.

How can these differences in desire be overcome?

Have you ever felt a sudden desire for sex, but your partner wasn't on the same wavelength?

This can be frustrating at the time, but it's common and nothing to be alarmed about.

It's normal and common not to have the same type of desire as your partner. Many factors come into play when it comes to libido: stress, anxiety, problems at work.

We're not all in the same frame of mind all the time. Once again, it's completely normal 😉

The good news is that there are several ways of dealing with these differences in desire. For example, you can plan your sexual encounters; this will gradually build up excitement and intensify desire. The longer you wait, the more you can tease your partner, playing up the fact that the moment is approaching. This is also a time to take time for yourself, to get ready, to choose your underwear. 🔥

The importance of communication as a couple

Communicating your desires clearly

Listening is crucial to a fulfilling relationship, particularly in the area of sexuality. Sexuality is a fundamental aspect of married life and good communication on this subject can considerably strengthen the relationship. ❤️

This approach not only promotes a better understanding of each other, but also contributes to a more fulfilling sex life and a more balanced relationship.

Non-violent communication *(*NVC) is a valuable tool created by the American psychologist Marshall B. Rosenberg. It is primarily used to manage situations where communication can be problematic.

It is based on 4 principles: observation, expression of feelings, clarification of needs and formulation of requests. 👇

1. Observation without judgement

Describe the situation without passing judgement: "I noticed you weren't in the mood for sex last night."

2. Express your feelings

Share your feelings without accusing your partner: "I felt frustrated and rejected when I realised that our desires didn't match".

3. Clarify your needs

Identify and communicate your needs: "I need to feel connected to you and share intimate moments."

4. Formulating requests

Make clear and respectful requests: "How do you feel about this? How could we better synchronise our intimate moments?"

Create an environment conducive to discussion

To talk about subjects such as sexuality, it's a good idea to create a safe space where you feel comfortable talking about it. A space with candles, at a time of day when each partner is 100% available to the other. 👂 You can forget about stressful periods, the night before exams or Sunday evenings.

The sexual menu exercise

To improve communication with your partner, you can create what's known as a sexual menu.

The aim is to create a list of your partner's expectations, desires and limits, which will facilitate communication with your partner and motivate you to try out new practices. 🍲We detail the whole process of creating this famous menu inherited from the world of BDSM.

Try slow sex

In a world where everything moves fast, you can try new things, taking your time. ⏲️

And to do that, you can try slow sex. This mindful approach to sex is based on soaking up the present moment, not focusing on orgasm, but on intimacy and closeness with your partner.

The aim is to relax, to try and find this harmony with your partner while reinforcing intimacy. ☁️

Tackling the different types of pleasure

Emotional pleasure

Emotional pleasure comes from feelings of connection, support and mutual understanding between partners. It is found in gestures of affection, gentle words, moments of tenderness and emotional sharing.

Spending time listening to the other person, sharing their joys and sorrows, and expressing their love all help to strengthen the emotional bond. This makes you feel happier and more fulfilled with your partner. ❤️

Physical pleasure

Physical pleasure encompasses all aspects of bodily intimacy, including sexuality. Fulfilled sexuality can greatlyenhance overall relationship satisfaction. It's this kind of pleasure that we talk about most often in our blog articles.

Physical intimacy encourages the production of oxytocin**, often called the "love hormone". Sex also has beneficial effects on mental health: it reduces stress by releasing endorphins, which can help you deal with everyday stresses and maintain emotional balance.

This lovely cocktail of hormones increases feelings of attachment and closeness. 🍹

Intellectual pleasure

Finally, this type of pleasure stems from intellectual stimulation and compatibility between partners.

This can include deep conversations, sharing common interests, debating ideas, or exploring new topics together. 🧠

It's not to be neglected when you're assessing the general well-being of the couple and want to communicate your desires to your other half.

Ask a professional for support

Our final tip for talking about your desires and helping your relationship to evolve is to turn to a sexologist or sex therapist.

These professionals are there to give you the best communication tools and help you unblock certain situations that can sometimes make you feel powerless.

Consulting a health professional isn't just for "big problems", it's also good to see a neutral person to get an outside view of a specific situation.

Sex therapy offers a space for exploration and sexual education that is still not widely available in our society.

It's an opportunity to learn new techniques and discover aspects of your sexuality that you haven't explored before. These moments will guide you step by step towards a more fulfilled sexuality because you'll be better able to assert your desires and your limits. 👏

We hope that all this advice will help you to communicate openly with your partner about your concerns, desires and wishes. Try out new things, learn to listen to the other person and be open to the unexpected.