Ah, orgasm, that ultimate grail of sexuality. That seventh heaven we are promised, yet which is not so easy to reach. Due to a lack of sexual education, performance pressure or due to a physiological dysfunction, many women have been unable to climax at least once in their lives.
Anorgasmia often affects self-confidence, relationship stability, or even libido. Yet, there is a range of suitable solutions. Although often overlooked, these dysfunctions can be treated effectively. Before trying to "cure" it, it is necessary to understand the causes of this disorder to welcome it gently.
What is anorgasmia?
A brief definition
Anorgasmia is a persistent and repeated absence of orgasm. It is distinguished from anaphrodisia by the preservation of sexual desire. It is an inability to reach it despite high arousal and appropriate stimulation. The causes of this anorgasmia are mainly psychological.
Anorgasmia is recognized by several symptoms:
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Inability to reach orgasm
Despite high arousal and sufficient foreplay, orgasm remains out of reach.
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Less intense orgasm
When orgasm is reached, it may feel less intense or less satisfying than expected.
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Disinterest in sexual relations
Difficulty reaching orgasm can lead to a decrease in interest in sexual intercourse and avoidance of it.
Anorgasmia can cause feelings of distress, guilt, or low self-esteem, which affects quality of life and intimate relationships.
It is a more common challenge than people think, as it affects 10% to 15% of women. Male partners are less affected by this phenomenon. In men, there can be ejaculation without orgasm, without pleasure, which is called anhedonic ejaculation.
The different types of anorgasmia
Spoiler alert: the term anorgasmia does not only refer to an absolute absence of orgasm. It describes any situation where the "little death" is nowhere to be found. To better orient ourselves, the medical community distinguishes several types of anorgasmia.
Primary anorgasmia
When a person has never reached orgasm at any point in their life, whether through masturbation or sexual intercourse, with or without penetration.
Secondary anorgasmia
When orgasm has been reached in the past, but is no longer reached currently.
Situational anorgasmia
Orgasm is reached in some cases, but not all the time or in all situations.
Total anorgasmia
As the name indicates, total anorgasmia means that orgasm has never been reached, in any situation, regardless of the type of stimulation or the partner.
Relative anorgasmia
Inability to reach orgasm specifically during sexual intercourse with penetration, but possible with other types of stimulation (such as masturbation, the use of an external stimulation vibrator, or oral sex).
The causes of anorgasmia
The causes of anorgasmia are numerous because several factors can come into play.
They can be as psychological as physical and vary depending on the person, their experiences, their perception of themselves, etc.
Here is a non-exhaustive list of the most common causes of the absence of orgasm.
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lack of knowledge in terms of sexuality,
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anxiety, anguish, stress,
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fear of abandonment, emotional dependency,
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fear of losing control and inability to let go,
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pain during intercourse such as vaginismus or dyspareunia,
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lack of self-confidence, poor self-image,
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medical treatments,
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menopause,
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illness (diabetes),
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lack of communication with one's partner.
Getting support to explore solutions
Finding a competent professional
First of all, if you are experiencing difficulties and cannot find solutions, you can consult. Sexual therapies or consulting a doctor can help you.
Thanks to tailored therapies, a sexologist can guide you toward effective solutions while offering emotional support.
Relaxation and mindfulness techniques
Techniques aimed at reducing stress and anxiety are ideal for developing a fulfilling sex life.
Body scanning, progressive muscle relaxation, or diaphragmatic breathing help to re-anchor the mind in the present moment to better appreciate bodily sensations.
When we are fully present to what is happening in our body, the voices of the injunction to orgasm and performance fall silent. It is promised, we have tested it!
You can also use hypnosis to treat anorgasmia. Testimonials have proven that this allows to be in a state of complete letting go, to understand the unconscious need for protection and take the time to soothe it.
Improving communication in the couple
Over the years, we settle into a routine where we think we know the other person by heart. This situation can lead to a deterioration of communication. We end up simply hearing the other without really listening.
Communication exercises can include:
Knowing how to communicate our preferences and our limits with respect for ourselves and the other is the key to a top-notch sex life for two but also to a healthy relationship.
If orgasm is absent when you share an intimate moment with your partner, why not try the Sensate Focus method? It is a protocol developed by renowned sexologists to regain connection, savor sensations and let go of orgasm at all costs.
The importance of knowing yourself
Knowledge of your body
To take pleasure during sexual intercourse, it is first necessary to know yourself, know what you like or not, observe yourself, touch yourself.
We have been, all our lives, very poorly informed about the female body, with a distorted representation of the clitoris during biology classes for example.
It is therefore paramount to inform yourself about your body and what provides pleasure. A better understanding of your anatomy, in particular the erogenous zones like the clitoris, allows to discover what really makes us vibrate. By touching and exploring ourselves, each woman can learn to let go more without restraint, the must for reaching a fulfilling sexual satisfaction.
To take inventory of what pleases you and what intrigues you, we invite you to build your own sex menu. It is a super practical and playful way to discover yourself and affirm your desires.
Discovery of orgasm
Reaching orgasm is often a central goal of sexual intercourse, but it is crucial to remember that every person is different.
For some, orgasm can be easily reached, at every intercourse, while for others, it may require more time and stimulation. Understanding your own arousal cycle and the conditions that favor orgasm can improve your entire sexual experience.
Orgasm is not an end in itself but a plus of the intercourse, focus on the sensations throughout the intercourse.
Use of sex toys
Sex toys offer a variety of stimulations that can help to discover new sensations and reach orgasm more easily. They can play a role in exploring your own body and improving your sex life, both solo and with partners.
Sex toys help to explore and discover pleasure zones that you might not have found otherwise.
By offering specific and sometimes more intense stimulations, sex toys can facilitate reaching orgasm, especially for those who encounter difficulties climaxing through traditional means.
There are many types of sex toys, each designed to stimulate different parts of the body or to be used in different ways.
Vibrators
They use vibrations to stimulate the different erogenous zones, they can be used for internal stimulation, external, or both at the same time.
Vibrators vary in size, shape and vibration intensity, allowing to satisfy all needs. Our Chouchou or our brand new Bisou are vibrating sex toys allowing to stimulate all your erogenous zones.
Clitoral vacuum
These types of vibrators imitate the sensation of suction and are effective for clitoral stimulation. They create air pulsations on the clitoris, but can also be used on other erogenous zones, like the nipples.
G-spot stimulators
Designed to specifically target the G-spot, these sex toys have a curve or a special shape that allows a more precise internal stimulation. This zone is generally located on the anterior wall of the vagina, on the abdomen side, at a depth of 2 to 3 centimeters from the vaginal opening.
We can recommend La Toupie as a first vibrator to start discovering the joys of sex toys: it is designed to build arousal step by step, by putting the emphasis on the sensation rather than on performance. The goal is not to climax quickly but to deeply feel the love you give each other and the experience taking place.
General health also includes sexual health, it is a matter of well-being and not just an absence of disease. If you think you have anorgasmia, do not panic, treatments exist, and you can succeed in reaching orgasm and having positive results.
If you want to learn how to approach conscious sexuality and be fully present during intimate moments, it is by here.
