Pornography in the couple: good or bad idea?

Long considered a taboo subject and obscene, pornography has undergone a transformation in recent years. Its consumption is increasing, and porn is becoming more and more prevalent in relationships. France, in fact, is the second largest consumer of porn in the world.

How is pornography perceived in a couple's sexuality ? What are the effects of pornography consumption on a couple's life?

What is the attitude of couples today towards pornography?

The advent of Playboy magazine in 1950 fostered a societal acceptance of pornography . Associated with masturbation, pornography for men or women in relationships was long viewed as a shameful and solitary practice.

A 2014 Ifop survey report shows that women downplay their partners' porn consumption . Among the activities likely to revive a couple's libido, porn features prominently in the French sex repertoire. 43% of them report having already made love while watching this type of film.

According to a survey conducted by Ifop for Elle on "the sexual life of French women in 2019", one in two women (47%) admit to having already visited an X site , a proportion more than ten times higher than that observed in 2006.

Sometimes, pornography serves as a source of inspiration for some of us. Thus, nearly 47% admit to having tried to recreate the positions or scenes from these videos (40% in 2009).

What are the benefits of pornography for two people?

According to Andrea Waling , a sexuality researcher at La Trobe University, pornography can be very positive if consumed appropriately. In particular, it can strengthen intimacy for couples wishing to explore their erotic fantasies together, creating a more open and tolerant environment.

Pornography in a couple's life has several positive impacts.

• Pornography primarily serves as a stimulant for sex within a relationship. At other times, it serves as a means of pleasure, alone or with others within a couple.

• On rare occasions, pornography is used to address problems affecting a couple's sexuality.

• Pornography for couples helps break the routine and revive libido when attraction in the relationship tends to disappear.

• Watching porn as a couple can be liberating for the partners' erotic imagination , a booster for the couple's sexuality.

• It allows both men and women to reveal themselves to each other , to take ownership of the scenarios, to share their fantasies.

Unlike men, women integrate porn into their relationships and rarely indulge in it alone.

Watching erotic films as a couple: what are the risks?

Complexes related to sexuality

Couples need to realize that pornography does not reflect the reality of a couple's sexuality . This can cause insecurities in both men and women, especially if they are unable to distinguish between the two.

Another important point is that in pornographic content, the participants invariably reach orgasm. This idea is far from reality in a couple's life.

More than a third of men under 25 admit to having felt self-conscious about the size of their penis after watching a pornographic film, reveals an Ifop survey.

Pornographic films can generate complexes in men and also spread sexual codes, such as full body hair removal.

Pornography: caricatured sexual acts

Beyond penetration and orgasm, other forms of pleasure can satisfy both partners. This in no way diminishes the fulfilling nature of sex. Often in pornographic videos, little emphasis is placed on foreplay , so there is often no prior arousal.

Normally, a couple's sexuality depends on each partner's personality, whether they are dominant or submissive. Most often in virtual sex videos, the woman is used as a sexual object to satisfy the other person's fantasies. This is a very different view from reality.

Pornography addiction

Because of its accessibility, pornography can become an addiction that jeopardizes the relationship. The partner who consumes porn may no longer find satisfaction in their sex life, which can lead to emotional detachment from their partner .

Some women/men experience mistrust, betrayal, or anger towards their partner's consumption of drugs. They see it as infidelity and feel less attractive and insecure. This creates problems and tension within the relationship.

Although evidence of potential health benefits from watching pornography is limited, sexologists agree that it all depends on the amount of time spent consuming porn and the type of videos watched .

Combining erotic film & vibrator

According to the 2020 Tenga survey , 45% of French people have already used a vibrator . Thus, many seek excitement and pleasure through the combined use of pornography and vibrators .

Pornography is the most commonly used stimulant. For many, its consumption serves as preparation before masturbation with a vibrator, alone or with a partner.

Once the video has aroused you, your vibrator can come into play. However, choosing the right vibrator is important and requires careful consideration!

You can use the vibrating part of the Coco vibrator to stimulate the outside of the clitoris or other erogenous zones (lips, breasts). You can also use it during penetration to caress the back of the vagina, especially the G-spot !

The suction part is purely non-penetrative. Due to its pressure waves, it's used for clitoral or breast stimulation . You can combine all of this while continuing to watch porn, ensuring a variety of pleasurable sensations related to visual, physical, and auditory arousal.

Combining vibrators and erotic videos can be an intense and unique experience for a couple. 

Alternatives to porn

After trying it, you still don't enjoy porn? Don't panic!

Many alternatives exist; we'll reveal a few of them:

1. Podcasts and erotic audio

Surge

Always on the lookout for new experiences, at Puissante we love sharing our latest tips with you! Erotic audio dramas are among our favorites .

Among our favorites: Déferlante. Self-proclaimed "pleasure-provoking podcast", the Belgian show will introduce you to an erotic audio story every Sunday at 8 p.m., for your greatest pleasure.

With over 70,000 listens, Déferlante 's extensive archives can be found on most streaming platforms and also on their website. Whatever your mood , you're sure to find something to enjoy!

VOXXX

VOXXX , created by Olympe de G., has sparked a true revolution in the world of sex podcasts . With its ASMR vibe, VOXXX immerses you in various pornographic scenarios , accompanied by characters with voices that are sometimes sensual, sultry, or transgressive.

Episodes for audiophile libido are archived and easily searchable. Simply register on VOXXX+ to access them.

And don't worry, the last 10 episodes are available on your favorite listening platform.

Charlie's erotic readings

The idea behind this brilliant podcast is to restore the image of "naughty" stories. A challenge met with flying colors thanks to immersive and enjoyable readings .

It contains modern works by authors whose writing was deemed ungrateful and who did not receive the literary recognition they deserve.

In the same vein, we highly recommend CtrlX , created by a group of journalists, artists and profiles from the digital world. 

2. Erotic books

Venus Erotica by Anaïs Nin

The great classic of women's erotic literature. Venus Erotica is often cited as the only female author in lists of pleasure literature alongside the Marquis de Sade, D.H. Lawrence, and Henry Miller.

The text takes control of our pleasure, keeping us in suspense as we approach bliss, as our heart rate increases in sync with the protagonists and as enjoyment overwhelms us.

Story of O by Pauline Réage

Pauline Réage, whose real name is Dominique Aury, delivers an iconic sadomasochistic tale .

This is the story of a young girl, her beginnings in sexuality, and her exploration of total surrender to another. Dating from the 1950s, this work remains controversial to this day, but is considered a classic of erotic literature.

Whether you love it or hate it, The Story of O has its place on a list of resources for enjoying yourself alone .

The Scarlet Notebook and Losing Breath by Anne Rachet

Subtitled Lesbian Erotic Fragments, The Scarlet Notebook is not fiction. It is a collection of texts and illustrations bearing witness to the writer's intimate journey.

Losing Breath complements the first story by offering moments of self-eroticism. A true ode to female masturbation , Losing Breath makes us appreciate reflection and words as a prelude to sensual pleasure.

3. Ethical porn

Pornography is now an integral part of self-directed sex education for many of us. Feminist, inclusive, respectful, and diverse, the ethical porn movement offers alternative types of videos, far removed from the harmful clichés of mainstream porn.

The camera focuses on all the extras, whether they are men, women, or non-binary. And the same goes for the way pleasure is given, the time spent giving and receiving it. Stereotypes are banished ; in these videos, men give as much as they receive.

Distancing itself from the dominant male gaze (gendered, male-centric filming present in most erotic films and films in general), ethical porn offers a variety of sensibilities, sexualities, and experiences. It features heterosexual and queer couples, open relationships, transgender people, non-binary profiles, and a wide range of practices.

Here are a few ethical porn references we've selected for you:

- XConfessions of Erika Lust

- Carmina's Pink Square

- Bellesa

If you're already a fan of this kind of erotic content, whether alone or as a couple , don't hesitate to follow the news about it. We wanted to understand why porn sites have been inaccessible in France for the past few months (at the time of writing) and we've dedicated an article to it!

The Scarlet Notebook and Losing Breath by Anne Rachet

Subtitled "Lesbian Erotic Fragments," the Scarlet Notebook is not fiction . It is a collection of texts and illustrations that bear witness to the writer's intimate journey. 📕

Losing Breath completes the first story by offering us moments of autoeroticism . A true ode to female masturbation , Losing Breath makes us appreciate reflection and words as a prelude to sensual pleasure.

3. Ethical porn 😇

Pornography is now an integral part of self-directed sex education for many of us. Feminist, inclusive, respectful, and diverse, the ethical porn movement offers alternative types of videos, far removed from the harmful clichés of mainstream porn. 💦

The camera focuses on all the extras , whether they are men, women, or non-binary. And the same goes for the way pleasure is given, the time spent giving and receiving it. Stereotypes are banished; in these videos, men give as much as they receive.

Distancing itself from the dominant male gaze (gendered, male-centric filming present in most erotic films and films in general), ethical porn offers a variety of sensibilities, sexualities, and experiences. It features heterosexual and queer couples, open relationships, transgender people, non-binary profiles, and a wide range of practices. ⚧️

Here are a few ethical porn references we've selected for you:

- XConfessions of Erika Lust

- Carmina's Pink Square

- Bellesa