Understand the link between stress and libido

Stress, which has become the backdrop to an increasingly fast-paced, busy, and productive daily life, is considered the scourge of the century . Recognized as the cause of numerous physical and mental illnesses, it also has consequences for your sexual well-being.

While it can cause erectile dysfunction in men, it also affects women. Loss of libido has multiple causes and manifests itself through various symptoms, some more difficult to cope with than others. This article offers some insights and reflections to help you rediscover a vibrant sex life.

The physical effects of stress on libido

When stress takes hold and becomes a permanent fixture, it invades the body and mind. It stifles desire and puts your nervous system on high alert, notably through an increase in cortisol levels, also known as the “stress hormone” .

Moreover, most mental and psychological disorders directly affect the proper functioning of the body. It's impossible to truly separate what happens in the body from what happens in the mind.

Stress therefore has an effect on libido, but also on the mechanisms of sexual arousal . Indeed, the neurotransmitters responsible for releasing pleasure hormones are the same as those involved in relaxation!

In addition, the secretion of adrenaline linked to anxiety, exhaustion or depression causes a certain tension in the body which prevents one from fully surrendering to a moment of love.

Finally, the impact on the body can manifest as a dysfunction of blood circulation which reduces the flow of blood to the genitals at the time of arousal.

The examples cited in this paragraph serve to illustrate the different actions of a state of stress, but it is important to remember that everyone reacts differently. 

Stress and mental load

When stress impacts your sex life, it can touch a nerve regarding performance. As we saw in the article on positive sexuality , sex is surrounded by a myriad of expectations.

When desire becomes rare or the body is not in sync with arousal, a vicious cycle of loss of self-confidence appears.

To put it simply, you experienced the symptoms of stress as a failure, and when a new relationship is initiated, you find yourself overwhelmed by anxiety.

"What if I can't have an orgasm?" "What if I'm not lubricated enough like last time?" "What if it happens again and I lose interest even though I was the one who aroused my partner?"

You then slip out of the present moment and away from the sensations of pleasure, taking refuge in the realm of your thoughts. In short, a layer of stress is added to the initial state, and a moment of pleasure quickly turns into a nightmare. Thanks a lot, atmosphere.

Becoming aware of the pressure you put on your shoulders is an excellent first step towards greater acceptance of the situation and therefore less stress. 

What can be done to regain one's libido?

Addressing the root cause

A decreased libido is an indicator of a high and persistent level of stress. Addressing the source of stress is the best way to regain desire.

Indeed, simply wanting to boost one's libido while ignoring the causes of stress is a bad move, as it would only cause more deregulation of the nervous system.

Depending on the severity of your situation, you can manage stress on your own or seek the assistance of a professional such as a psychologist or sex therapist . They will be able to support you in your quest for a more peaceful personal and sexual life .

If the causes of stress lie within your relationship, seeking help from a couples therapist is an option to consider.

In any case, a little personal introspection in the form of journaling or reflection will help you to judge the real place of anxiety in your daily life.

Communicating with your partner

Every successful, long-lasting couple will tell you that, after trust and mutual respect, good communication is the foundation of a relationship. Whether you've been in a monogamous relationship for years, in an open relationship, or in a "no-strings-attached" arrangement with your partner, sharing your feelings and emotions is essential.

Take advantage of a quiet moment to open up and share a confidential conversation . A face-to-face exchange, rather than written communication, might be the easiest way for you to express yourself.

Words have real power: describe what you're going through without putting yourself down or blaming your partner. Choosing to talk about a topic as taboo as a decreased libido is a sign of courage and a first step towards finding answers together.

Once your partner has received your problem, he or she will likely want to find solutions. You can then specify what you expect from the other person, whether it's understanding, patience, or even longer foreplay.

You can then work hand in hand to boost your libido . 

Practicing self-compassion

Unlike physical illnesses, stress is invisible to others. Mental health is still not taken seriously enough. This is often why we tend to be hard on ourselves when we're going through a difficult time.

When this is added to the injunction of perfection and performance that hangs over female sexuality, you can quickly find yourself in the dual role of executioner and victim.

Learning to love yourself and fully accept the situation helps to limit this vicious cycle of stress. Self-compassion means awakening the empathetic inner voice and letting it take the helm.

For example, write down your paralyzing thoughts and ask yourself if you would dare to speak to your best friend like that.

The practice of mindfulness, through meditation for example, also allows us to accept and embrace ourselves in all our humanity.

Moreover, meditation (like pleasure) is known for its calming and stress-relieving benefits. You thus kill two birds with one stone by regulating your nervous system and learning to be kinder to yourself during this period of decreased libido.

We hope this article has given you some insight into the link between stress and sexual desire. Since there are many factors that can cause this loss of libido, there are also a variety of approaches, alone or with a partner, to rediscover a vibrant and fulfilling sex life . Desire fluctuates throughout life, and its constancy is just another myth. Fortunately, the Puissante team is here to tackle that!