3 Ways to Work on Your Sexual Esteem - wikiHow

High sexual self-esteem makes you more adventurous, more fulfilled, and better able to ride the wave of pleasure. In this article, we'll tell you a little more about sexual self-confidence and give you some tips to boost it. 

What is sexual self-esteem?

We all know what self-esteem is: the judgment we make about ourselves. It is largely built during childhood, but fluctuates with life events.

The image we have of ourselves influences our behavior with others, our posture, our tone, our ambition, etc.

Sexual self-esteem is the same thing applied to the context of our sexuality . It's the distorting mirror we hold up to ourselves to assess our sexual self.

It cannot be stressed enough: sex is a matter of brain and emotions much more than of mechanics and fluids.

Sexual esteem, therefore, encompasses the thoughts and beliefs we cultivate through our experiences. It also refers to the value we place on how we connect with our partners and ourselves, and on where we position ourselves within our overall understanding of sexuality.

The whole point of working on sexual self-esteem is to integrate it into the overall image we have of ourselves.

The more you embrace your sensuality and sexuality, and the more you accept that your sexuality is perfectly normal, the stronger your overall confidence will become. We're certain of it: we've tested it! 

What factors influence sexual confidence?

Sexual confidence is the result of a multitude of interconnected factors that give us a constantly biased image of ourselves.

They can be grouped into two main categories: emotional factors and cultural factors.

• Emotional factors are directly linked to our inner world, to our fulfilling or limiting experiences. From these experiences, we draw conclusions that, over time, transform into beliefs. This can range from trauma to the curious pleasure of first experiences.

• Cultural factors are the pre-formed beliefs that family, the media, and doctors transmit to us.

• For example, in France, sex education reduces relationships to a risky activity that can lead to pregnancy or disease.

• Depending on those around you, sex can be perceived as dirty, impure, taboo.

• While the media presents a hypersexualization of bodies and behaviors.

Taking stock and identifying these factors is a first step towards regaining control over one's sexual self-confidence.

How to improve your sexual self-esteem?

Reconnecting with one's body

The first step to boosting sexual confidence is to reconnect with the body .

Our days are filled with to-do lists and demands for performance. At work, at home, in social situations, and in bed, we have to be more, do more, and this creates a mental burden we could easily do without.

The brain takes over, juggling regrets of the past and the pressures of the future. Not cool when you just want to enjoy a private moment alone or with others .

Anchoring oneself in one's body allows one to reclaim possession of it , to put thoughts on pause in order to simply feel.

Reconnecting with one's body can involve:

• breathing exercises such as cardiac coherence,

• visualizations such as body scans,

• Intuitive dancing to your favorite sound,

• sleeping naked

• self-massage,

• a mindful meal

• masturbation .

There are as many paths as there are sensitivities. We strongly recommend that you try different approaches to see which ones resonate most with you.

You can then establish a ritual every day, every week or every full moon night to maintain the relationship with your body . 

Using writing

Writing works wonders when it comes to exploring our depths and investigating the obstacles to our sexual self-esteem.

Journaling allows you to put your thoughts down on paper, follow their thread and let them guide you towards answers.

1. You can begin by studying the various preconceived ideas. or the things you hold to be true in the realm of sexuality.

For example: women can't have orgasms, or conversely, a woman experiences pleasure loudly. Nobody likes seeing my curves because they're not sexy, or if I say no, I'll be considered uptight.

2. Once you have identified and formulated these beliefs, you can see where they come from. Are they inherited from someone—a parent, a friend, a partner, a film? Or rather from a specific situation that occurred some time ago?

3. Next, take some time to consider how you can reframe this belief with kindness . Of course, you don't go from "My body doesn't deserve to be loved" to "I'm a bombshell who receives love from everyone I meet." It's like a muscle; self-esteem builds up little by little.

You can rephrase it as an intention: "I wish to feel more comfortable in my body and wear the Bordelle outfit that I dream about."

4. Then, when you're comfortable with this idea, move on to the next step: "I can see myself feeling comfortable in my body and I'm going to order the Bordelle set." Next, "I can feel comfortable in my body and wear the Bordelle set." And so on, until you reach "I feel comfortable in my body and I wear the Bordelle set."

Get your pens ready! 

To put an end to taboos

At Puissante, our mission is to restore your power by showing you that what you think is a flaw is perfectly normal.

To dismantle the preconceived notions that hinder a fulfilling sexuality, we offer education as the antidote.

We have access to many resources, whether social, philosophical or scientific, to bring a new perspective to our sexuality.

For those who want to delve deeper, we've prepared a list of books that challenge our conditioning in the areas of beauty, menstruation, and sexuality. You can find it here .

You can also search for a podcast, blog , or Instagram account that aims to make positive sexuality more accessible .

The advantage of our time is that the internet allows us to access an infinite amount of content , testimonials, and other people's journeys . We can thus find those whose experiences and perspectives on sexual confidence help us move forward on our own path . 

Like self-confidence, sexual self-esteem is something that can be cultivated and improved when you give yourself the time to nurture it . Through increased awareness and self-love, you discover yourself and learn to accept yourself unconditionally. We wish you wonderful explorations as you discover your sexual personality and, above all, that you finally feel "enough."