Fetishism: how to broach the subject in your relationship?

Today, we're tackling a hot topic: fetishism! And as if the subject wasn't hot enough already, we decided to talk about fetishism in relationships .

You know us, we absolutely love tackling the most taboo subjects, deconstructing preconceived notions, but above all, giving you incredibly practical tools to fully embrace your sexuality . That's exactly the plan for this article.

We'll explain how to step outside your comfort zone (even if you're in a relationship) and how to embrace your partner's desires and fantasies . Let's go.

What exactly is a fetish?

Definition of fetishism

The word “fetishism” is a blend of the Latin “facticius” (artificial), the Portuguese “fetiço” (magic), and the French “fétiche” (mania). Literally, it means: an artificial and magical mania. Okay, that's not very clear. In practical terms, it's sexual arousal caused by a body part or an object.

A fetishist may experience desire at the sight or touch of a foot , an ear , hair , a pair of shoes, an object … In general, the less conventional it is, the deeper one delves into the fascinating world of fetishism.

It is important not to confuse fetishism, which is just a somewhat exotic way of arousing desire, with fetishistic disorder, which is a pathology.

Fetishism is the use of an inanimate object (the fetish) or non-sexual body parts as a preferred means of achieving sexual arousal. Fetish disorder is characterized by recurrent intense sexual arousal occurring with the use of an inanimate object or a highly specific focus on one or more non-genital body parts that causes clinically significant distress or functional impairment in one or more important areas of life. ( Fetish Disorder , George R. Brown , MD, East Tennessee State University)

Why is fetishism so taboo?

Fetishism is so taboo because it focuses attention and desire on objects or body parts that we don't usually associate with sexuality. Have you ever fantasized about a pair of glasses? An elbow? An office chair? Fetishists can. It's a bit of a superpower when you think about it.

What we love about fetishism is that it invites us to step out of the very heteronormative framework we know : the fantasy around genitals , breasts, muscles… Here, we completely break free from this model to look at and desire parts of the body that we tend to forget, like feet or hair.

Fetishists who fantasize about a body part or object explore how it can arouse their desire by playing with it. It's not just about staring at or touching an object while masturbating. Fetishism gives free rein to the imagination , and that's what makes it so great!

For once, a sexual practice pushes us to completely break away from traditional sexual scripts , that is to say, the expected “choreography” of a sexual encounter: foreplay, penetration, ejaculation and a good night's sleep.

“Sexual scripts are instilled in us by pornography, the films and series we watch growing up, the stories we tell each other with friends. We learn that a certain sequence prevails, that a specific succession of events is the way to do things. ” Catherine Burelles , sexologist

Moreover, for the rest of this article, keep your chakras open and be curious: fetishism is certainly unconventional but it is not deviant, as long as it respects the legal framework.

A closer look at the French people's favorite fetishes

Before going any further, we wanted to take a look at the favorite fetishes of the French. Sexologist Dr. Gilbert Bou Jaoudé shared them with us, and some might surprise you:

• Foot and toe fetishism We mentioned it earlier and it's much more widespread than you might think.

• Voyeurism/candaulism : some people fantasize about being cuckolded (but consensually) and watching their partner have sex with someone else. It's a really interesting topic, and we'll dedicate an article to it, we promise.

• Clothes or shoes are also fetishes in themselves! You can absolutely fantasize about a certain style or a particular fashion item.

• Tattoos and piercings are still among the favorite criteria of the French, especially French women.

• Sagging breasts : yes, some people love them! So, let's put away our insecurities and wear our breasts with pride. By the way, did you know that breast stimulation can trigger an orgasm? Just saying.

• Odors and hair are also on the list! It would seem that our primal instincts sometimes take over.

And you, what's your little fetish? Don't hesitate to write to us or share your fantasies, we love reading your emails or messages on social media!

How to broach the subject of fetishism in a relationship?

The right setting for the right conversation

You don't start a discussion about your favorite fetish in the middle of sex or just before orgasm. Really.

Ideally, it should be a calm, neutral moment, when you are both relaxed and mentally available. A leisurely dinner, a walk, a relaxing Sunday afternoon… in short, a moment when neither of you is in a rush or on the defensive.

Also avoid overly sexually charged moments. If you bring up the subject in the middle of flirting, the other person might feel a bit trapped, as if saying "no" wasn't really an option. But consent is only sexy when it's freely given and informed .

When you begin, be completely transparent about your feelings . Speak in the first person, without imposing anything. You can say that this fetish intrigues you, excites you, makes you wonder. That you'd like to explore it, perhaps, together. Not because you have to, but because it would be fun for you to step outside your comfort zone together.

Also very important: don't set a deadline . No "you tell me yes or no before the end of the week." You're sharing information, period. Give the other person time to process it, to learn more, to feel how it makes them. Everyone has their own pace, and that should be respected.

Finally, there's no need to reveal all the details right away. Leave some space. The other person will ask questions if they want to. And there's a good chance the conversation will naturally return once the initial surprise has passed.

Requesting support from a third party

If the subject is still too fraught with shame, taboo, or anxiety for you, you don't have to handle everything alone . Consulting a sexologist , therapist, or psychologist can be a real breath of fresh air.

This service is particularly recommended if this fetish is causing you distress, creating tension in your relationship, or preventing you from experiencing a peaceful and fulfilling sex life. The role of a third party is invaluable: they create a safe and supportive space for open discussion, where everyone can express themselves without interruption or judgment .

This person also helps to give everyone a chance to speak, to observe reactions, and to restore order if emotions run high. And above all, to remind them of the basics (which we sometimes tend to forget when the subject becomes sensitive): consent, respect, dialogue, and respecting everyone's pace. Yes, this applies to fetishism as well, and especially so.

In short, seeking help is neither an admission of failure nor a "serious" thing. It is often a sign of relational maturity.

How should I react if my partner has a fetish?

If your partner confides in you about a fetish or fantasy, you might be surprised, unsettled, or even a little lost. That's okay. But keep one essential thing in mind: it's never easy to open up about this kind of thing. If your partner is talking about it, it's most likely because they trust you.

Try, as much as possible, not to react impulsively with anger, mockery, or shock. The key here is kindness and non-judgment. You don't have to understand right away, nor agree.

You have the right to take the time you need to process the information, to reflect on how it makes you feel, on what you want (or don't want) to explore. And you also have every right to say no. Loving someone doesn't mean accepting everything. Setting boundaries is healthy, necessary, and deeply respectful.

If you feel the need, don't hesitate to bring the conversation up again later. Ask all the questions that come to mind, even those that seem naive or awkward. A slightly shaky dialogue is better than an awkward silence.

And we repeat this because it's important: any fetish or fantasy that respects the legal framework is neither dirty, shameful, nor deviant. Sexuality is vast, diverse, and human. It's up to you to decide how you want to experience it, together.