5 mutual masturbation techniques to enjoy together as a couple

When we talk about "mutual masturbation," most people imagine either something wacky or an ultra-awkward moment where you and your partner stare into each other’s eyes.

In reality, it's just the two of you, together, giving each other pleasure. And frankly, it's one of the best ways to wake up a dormant sex life, reconnect, and above all, remind yourselves that sex should never be a performance, but pure pleasure.

At Puissante, we talk about it openly because we believe you deserve a sex life that feels like you. Not the one from 50 Shades or some random porno, but the one that makes you feel good.

What exactly is mutual masturbation?

Well, first off: it’s simple: you caress yourselves in each other's presence. It could be you stimulating yourself while he or she watches (and caresses themselves too) or you touching each other. It can also be a mix of both!

What matters is that no one is pretending. That might sound obvious, but it’s also surprisingly difficult for many couples to pull off.

And contrary to what you might think, it’s not "just foreplay before the real stuff." It is a complete, whole, and satisfying sexual encounter.

Why do we highly recommend mutual masturbation?

Because it’s true, unfiltered intimacy

Watching your partner give themselves pleasure is gaining access to something truly intimate and vulnerable. Even if we looove role-play, it’s still much more exciting than a costume bought on Amazon.

When you masturbate together, you create a moment where both partners are equals. There is no domination or hierarchy. Everyone gets off (or tries to), everyone matters. That is what creates a real connection.

According to a study conducted by the Kinsey Institute, one of the world's most recognized research centers on sexuality, couples who explore their pleasure mutually report a 40% higher rate of sexual satisfaction than those who maintain a more traditional dynamic. Why? Because there is less pressure, more communication, and, above all, true shared vulnerability.

Because you have to talk about it to practice it

And there, bam. You’ve just hit a major milestone. To explore mutual masturbation, you first have to discuss what turns you on, what you like, and what feels good to you.

And when you start actually communicating about sex? It’s a game-changer. Not only for your sex life, but for your entire relationship. You truly listen to each other, learn from one another, and create a genuine bond.

According to data from Santé Publique France, explicit communication regarding consent and sexual preferences is one of the pillars of a healthy and fulfilling sex life. It’s easier said than done, but it’s doable.

Because it removes the pressure of performance

You know that feeling where sex feels like a school performance? Where you wonder if you’re "good enough," if your body is responding correctly, if you look good enough in the mirror? Where you’re thinking about a thousand things instead of feeling what’s happening?

That’s called “sexual performance anxiety,” and it’s a real poison for your libido.

Mutual masturbation requires much less "macho performance." There’s no penetration to "manage," no need for your hormones to follow a precise calendar, no "it has to last a long time to count."

It’s just shared pleasure, at your own pace. And when you remove the pressure? The pleasure returns naturally.

5 techniques to (really) explore

1. Side by side: the comfortable classic

You lie next to each other, in bed or on the couch. Each person starts to caress themselves. You can look at each other from the side, or stare at the ceiling. You can talk, or just be there, together.

It’s perfect for beginners because it’s not complicated, it’s comfortable, and there’s a certain distance that keeps things at ease. You’re together but not suffocated. You can stop at any time without it being awkward. Zero pressure.

Pro tip: use a water-based intimate lubricant. It really changes everything: smoother, more pleasant, less friction that can become uncomfortable.

2. Face to face: taking it up a notch

Now, get into a face-to-face position. By crossing your legs, leaning on your elbows, whatever feels good. And there, eye contact becomes unavoidable. You look into each other's eyes while you caress yourselves.

At first, it’s a bit intimidating, but it’s also (and above all) deeply sensual. At this stage, you can let your hands wander: stroke the other's arm, touch their leg, their hair. No "strict rules." The idea is to mix self-stimulation with received caresses. Your pace, your own rules of the game.

3. Observing and admiring: consenting voyeurism

Sometimes, one just wants to watch, and that is totally valid. Maybe your partner loves seeing you masturbate, or maybe you’re the one who just wants to watch for a while.

The observer watches, vocalizes their enthusiasm (sincerely, now, not a theatrical performance), and gives encouragement. And the person being observed... lets themselves be seen. Over time, you will enjoy feeling watched and desired.

It’s an excellent entry point if you’re shy: it allows you to "test the waters" without feeling obligated to participate in the same way immediately.

4. With a sex toy: amplifying sensations

Here, we invite a third party: a vibrator. You can use it on yourself while your partner watches, or you can use it on each other, touching one another with the help of the toy.

A clitoral stimulator like Mini Coco really changes the game. Not only does it amplify sensations (obviously), but it also shows your partner exactly where you like to be touched.

And if you use a vibrator that someone controls remotely via an app? Then it’s even more fun. One person controls the other. It’s voyeurism + control + trust. Everything you need for a good night.

5. The slow burn: really taking your time

Forget the porn videos where everything explodes in 3 minutes. Try this: put on some music you really like, dim the lights, and start slowly. Like, really slowly.

Take 20, 30 minutes just caressing yourselves gently, together. Talk to each other, tell each other what you like, give each other compliments. Laugh if something feels weird (and it happens). Sighs allowed, moans allowed, tender silences allowed… and even dirty talk if you’re in that energy.

Before you dive in: the conversation that matters

The most important thing is to talk about it first. There's no need for a "big formal conversation," just a moment where you can be honest.

"Would you be up for..." or "I’d really like to try..." or even a simple "I’m open to it, shall we test it?" just so everyone is on the same page.

And during? Keep communicating. "Do you like this?" "Do you want to stop?" "It’s cool if you just want to watch for now." This constant dialogue is truly essential for everyone to feel good.

A quick reminder: solo masturbation is cool too

Feeling less drawn to mutual masturbation? Prefer your moments just for you? That’s normal, that’s valid, and that’s cool too!

The solitary masturbation has huge benefits for your well-being. It’s a moment just for you, where you learn what really pleases you, where you don’t have to answer to anyone. It’s an act of self-love in the truest sense.

And the more you understand your own body through solo masturbation, the better you can explore it with someone else, if you choose to.

And now?

If you’re ready to try, start with the most comfortable position (side by side is a good start).

And above all, remain kind to one another. If it’s not your thing, that’s okay. If you laugh because it’s weird? That’s okay. If you discover something incredible? Even better.

You deserve a sex life that feels like you and your partner. And mutual masturbation is an excellent way to take back power over your pleasure, together. We’re counting on you!