Is 50 Shades of Grey really a good BDSM movie?

When we think of BDSM representations in pop culture, 50 Shades of Grey quickly comes to mind. It is indeed THE film that introduced BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Domination, Submission) to the general public over 10 years ago!

50 Shades of Grey is the film adaptation of the eponymous romance written by E.L James. The self-published novel trilogy achieved phenomenal success in Western countries, particularly among women. This was the first time such a mainstream work described in detail such intense sexual practices, or a bit less "vanilla" (traditional), as they say in the community.

At Puissante, we love to decipher representations of sexuality in pop culture. Naturally, we couldn't miss the 50 Shades phenomenon.

With a few years of hindsight, we wondered if it was truly a faithful representation of what happens in BDSM relationships.

And here's what we concluded.

A little memory refresher

Before deciphering the representation of BDSM in 50 Shades of Grey, let's quickly recap the plot.

Let's set the scene: Seattle, early 2010s. Anastasia, a 22-year-old student, steps in at the last minute for her roommate for a university assignment. The mission? Interview Christian Grey, a mysterious 27-year-old CEO with smoldering eyes and prominent muscles.

She is immediately seduced by his charisma, and he, by her freshness. After a (very) quick courtship, they begin a relationship. The first time Ana enters Christian's apartment, she discovers his attraction to the BDSM world. In a red room, completely dedicated to erotic games, he gradually introduces her to this practice.

All 3 installments of 50 Shades revolve around their romantic relationship and, most importantly, their increasingly exotic sexual encounters. A dynamic of dominance/submission establishes itself between them in intimacy, but also in their daily lives.

While the film did indeed allow for a more assertive and uninhibited sexuality (that's cool), it perhaps didn't do it in the best way (less cool). Let us explain.

50 Shades of Grey: there's good... and not so good

A storyline that leaves a little to be desired

When you take a tiny step back, you quickly realize that the film's storyline is a tad cliché. A 22-year-old virgin student who falls in love with a super-rich young businessman... not exactly groundbreaking for patriarchal norms.

We were once again treated to the good old representation of the naive, innocent young virgin devoid of free will. This further reinforces the myth of sacred virginity: our Judeo-Christian heritage always resurfaces.

As for the dominance/submission dynamic in sexuality, we were THRILLED to finally see it represented on the big screen, but why was it also transposed to everyday life?

Christian Grey is the archetypal super-powerful American burdened with responsibilities. Anastasia is younger, has no particular ambition, no asserted character, or real talent.

In the very construction of the characters, Christian takes precedence. We would have loved to see a powerful woman fully embrace her desires and her fantasies!

Here, the male gaze is again given prominence, from a masculine perspective. We witness the birth of a relationship of domination and control through the eyes of an un-deconstructed man. Meh.

The Puissante team calls for a new version of 50 Shades, seen through the eyes of a woman who is self-assured in life as in her intimacy. American production companies should draw more inspiration from the codes of ethical porn...

A few words on consent

If you've already looked into BDSM, you know that consent is key. Not just in BDSM, by the way.

In the film, Christian has Anastasia sign a contract to set a framework for their interactions. This is a good start, but it's far from sufficient. At no point do we see them discuss the terms of this famous contract. However, discussions are precisely the moments when each partner can clearly express their desires and limits, because the power dynamic does not exist.

Here, we get the impression that Anastasia is forced to sign the contract. Awkward.

As soon as the first film was released, BDSM practitioners spoke out to explain that this representation was not at all true to reality. According to them, certain practices were not consented to beforehand. We even hear Ana say "no," "I don't want to," or "I'm not sure" on several occasions.

In short, a relationship without explicit consent and a clear framework is more akin to abuse than BDSM.

50 Shades of Grey: the BDSM cliché?

Another point raised by the BDSM community: the film only perpetuates all the unfortunate clichés that already weigh on the practice:

• the dominant and unhappy man who uses sex as an outlet,

• violent and highly scripted encounters,

• little to no discussion before sexual acts.

This is exactly what one might think if they haven't researched the values and codes of BDSM. For regulars, the dominance/submission dynamic is the complete opposite of that! It's a sign of trust, open-mindedness, a way to share a powerful experience with one's partner.

The problem is that viewers took the film's clichés a bit too literally. Within weeks, "50 Shades BDSM" found its way into French households, indeed! For example, Decathlon observed a significant increase in the sale of riding crops. Ikea also hit it big by adopting some of the codes of Christian's famous red room.

What should have been done to respect BDSM codes

An essential reminder about BDSM

BDSM, then, is the acronym for Bondage, Discipline, Domination, Submission. The term therefore naturally encompasses dominance/submission relationships, but also other practices involving ropes, accessories, role-playing, etc.

Historically, BDSM was considered a sexual deviance, or even a crime. Fortunately, we have moved past that...

The #MeToo movement, in particular, was an opportunity to rehabilitate BDSM and to reiterate that these practices are based exclusively on explicit consent.

In a BDSM relationship, the submissive doesn't seek suffering in vain, but rather a way to find pleasure and peace in surrendering to the other. The dominant takes on all responsibilities and "manages" their submissive's sensations during the interaction.

Impact play, such as spanking, the famous whip, or a paddle (and other fantasies), are excellent ways to release endorphins, the famous pleasure and relaxation hormone... for both the submissive and the dominant.

What practitioners seek in BDSM is an emotional and carnal connection that transcends traditional sex. And that is only possible with consent.

Safeword and aftercare: 2 key BDSM concepts

In BDSM, the safeword is a safety word that allows for the instantaneous stopping of a scene.

Why is it essential? Because the very principle of BDSM is to play with situations that can sometimes be painful or uncomfortable. In this context, a "stop" can be part of the game. The safeword, however, never is.

It's the sacred "pause" button. The one that says: now, for real, we stop.

In 50 Shades, Christian and Anastasia choose "red." On paper, everything's fine. In practice... Ana has to repeat it four times before he reacts. Suffice it to say, the message is missed. In a true BDSM dynamic, the safeword is heard at the first syllable. Without debate or delay.

Another major absence from the film: aftercare.

Aftercare is everything that comes after the scene: sweet words, cuddles, a glass of water, a massage... A moment together to decompress, reconnect, and reassure each other.

It's an essential step, not an option.

In 50 Shades, Christian often leaves Anastasia alone, without taking care of her. The film thus perpetuates the cliché of the cold, distant, elusive dominant man. However, in reality, BDSM also relies on vulnerability. Taking care of the other is an integral part of the game.

A dominant who doesn't practice aftercare... is not a good dominant. They are just someone who misses the essential point.

To go further, we recommend the podcast "A Master Educates His Submissive," a testimony from a dominant man who speaks with great accuracy about this responsibility.

Is BDSM in a couple possible?

Yes. A thousand times yes.

BDSM is not reserved for casual encounters or "out-of-framework" adventures. It is entirely possible to have a BDSM relationship as a couple. Some people even choose to extend the dynamic beyond the bedroom. This is called a "24/7" relationship: dominance and submission are integrated into daily life.

But be careful: this type of relationship cannot be improvised.

It is based on weeks, sometimes months of discussions beforehand. We talk about desires, fantasies, limits, fears. We adjust. We test. We readjust. And most importantly, we ensure that trust is complete and reciprocal.

A healthy BDSM relationship can only exist within a framework of absolute respect.
It's not a power struggle, it's a pact.

The podcast "Yes, Master" features a submissive woman in a relationship with her dominant. A valuable and cliché-free testimony that we recommend you listen to.

At Puissante, we like to remind people that BDSM is not a dark version of love.

It's another way to connect, to trust each other... and to have a lot of pleasure together, and more if affinities allow.