Understand the different types of sexual desires

Fluctuations in libido often lead to doubt, even guilt. We blame ourselves for not wanting it, we don't know why, and then *poof*, it reappears thanks to a look or a gesture .

It's completely baffling.

What if we told you that there are different types of sexual desire ? Contrary to popular belief, desire isn't an animalistic urge, but rather the result of pleasurable stimulation . It's the nature of this stimulation that distinguishes the different types of desire. Want to learn more? Let's go! 

Why learn about the different types of sexual desires?

With sex education focused on health and risk prevention, we have only an almost mechanical approach to our sexuality. Add to that a veneer tinged with Judeo-Christian culture where sex serves the purpose of procreation, and we end up with a rudimentary understanding of what ignites our inner desires.

The result? An amalgam of stereotypes and taboos that we hold to be absolute truth.

However, a snippet of information can be enough to take a giant step towards sexual well-being.

A bit like when you discover the joys of clitoral stimulation after spending years "getting pounded".

For many of us, this step is understanding our libido .

Breaking News: Universal and spontaneous desire does not exist . We have much more than an on/off switch to ignite the fire of passion.

Knowing and understanding the different types of sexual desire allows us to:

• to understand the context of our pleasure,

• to tame our desires and truly know what excites us,

• banish the concept of a single, identical libido for everyone,

• better communicate with your partner

• to embrace one's uniqueness and feel normal.

The two types of sexual desire

Spontaneous desire

What we call spontaneous sexual desire is the sudden urge that is triggered by the sight of a sexy person or a body that is desirable in our eyes.

People with a spontaneous desire style are often the ones who take the lead and initiate intimacy with their partner. In the collective imagination, they are romantic heroes who are instantly smitten.

Spontaneous desire is presented in pop culture as the ideal type of desire. However, it is not the only path that leads to arousal and pleasure . 

Reactive desire

Reactive desire is triggered in response to pleasure . It can appear when we are waiting for a romantic date or when our partner tenderly kisses our neck and raises the temperature.

People sensitive to reactive desire often tend to feel guilty for never feeling desire and not making the first move. They may tell themselves that something is wrong with them and trigger a vicious cycle of stress and anxiety that hinders their libido .

If you recognize yourself in this description: rest assured. Reactive desire is perfectly normal. Just like in a conversation, you simply need someone or something to stimulate your pleasure so that they feel the urge to respond.

When you think about it, this type of excitement affects far more people than you might think.

Couples who lament a loss of libido sometimes don't realize they have a reactive desire . Yes, in the beginning, we carefully selected our lingerie, spent hours preparing ourselves with the desire to seduce, building pleasure degree by degree. When the time comes to live together, the excitement hasn't disappeared; it simply needs to be rekindled.

Putting an end to the myth of a raging libido

Understanding the nature of one's desire is an excellent first step towards deconstructing the myth of the inflamed appetite .

To delve deeper, we suggest visualizing the two types of pleasure as a timeline with "reactive desire" and "spontaneous desire" at each end. On this timeline, there's a cursor labeled "desire."

Your passion threshold will fluctuate between these two extremes depending on the level of pleasure you need to become aroused. Each person has a fairly predetermined range.

The level of pleasure can still vary depending on a multitude of factors. These range from the health of your relationship to the atmosphere of the room, and even your beliefs about sexuality.

Good news: if you're experiencing a low sex drive , it might mean you haven't yet reached your pleasure threshold. Change your environment , play around with the settings, and burning excitement will soon follow.

As you've probably gathered, sexual desire isn't some mystical phenomenon that appears spontaneously, like in Hollywood romantic comedies. Reactive desire and spontaneous desire are actually two sides of the same coin.

What differentiates them is the varying time it takes to react to pleasure. To learn more about the workings of libido and enjoy your sex life, here are our tips for boosting desire after 50 .