Why is female masturbation still taboo?

A man who masturbates is considered "logical," "normal," "he needs it," "it's just an impulse." But why don't we say the same thing to a woman? Why isn't it seen as a need, a normal desire?

"Masturbation is more normalized in men. Whereas in women, it is seen as something dirty and shameful." Stéphanie Beaudet , sexologist.

In this article, we discuss all the taboos that still surround female pleasure and explain how to put an end to them.

The history of female masturbation

When it comes to female masturbation , we've come a long way. “In the collective imagination, it has always been normal for a man to masturbate out of need, out of impulse, but a woman who touched herself was traditionally considered a pervert, a hypersexual. She didn't have to give herself pleasure, she had to relieve her husband,” explains Caroline Le Roux-Poirier, sexologist and clinical psychologist.

This stems from the prevailing attitudes of the time; indeed, masturbation was frowned upon in the eyes of the Judeo-Christian religion. According to Freud, clitoral stimulation in adulthood was "childish." Even today, many misconceptions persist, such as the idea that masturbation "makes you deaf."

However, masturbation begins very early . Indeed, children begin to discover their bodies, they learn and discover new sensations, sometimes from a very young age.

This means not taking offense, not scolding the child for touching themselves , and, above all, explaining that no one, neither an adult nor even a friend, has the right to touch their body if they don't want to. It's important to instill the concept of consent from a very young age.

The virtues of masturbation

In France, 54% of us practice masturbation compared to 3/4 of Dutch women (according to Ifop in 2015)

1. The benefits of masturbation on the body

Yet according to studies, masturbation reduces stress, prevents cervical infections, strengthens the pelvic floor, helps with sleep, stimulates the immune system, and even improves depressive states… masturbation has it all.

2. Masturbation for better self-knowledge

In addition to having therapeutic benefits, masturbation helps you get to know your body; it's a date with yourself, it helps strengthen your self-confidence, discover your personal pleasures and reconnect with yourself.

Masturbation is also an ego boost ! It's a feeling of independence and control over one's own pleasure, body, and desires.

Masturbation provides intense, rapid, almost guaranteed pleasure. "You can reach orgasm in less than two minutes," says Françoise, 43. "Sometimes I do it right before falling asleep, and it's amazing how well I sleep!"

3. Masturbation and menstrual pain

But masturbation can also help alleviate menstrual pain : dopamine, known as the pleasure hormone, is released in the body during orgasms and even while you masturbate. This has the effect of providing a feeling of comfort.

In other words, orgasm has a relaxing effect. This is what leads to a reduction in menstrual pain. At the same time, other mechanisms related to blood circulation also contribute to alleviating menstrual pain.

4. Masturbation as a form of self-care

Through a ballet of gestures and caresses , we gently reclaim our bodies . For some, this even takes the form of a ritual to rediscover their sensuality and full power.

This self-discovery at one's own pace is also a powerful way to establish a framework for what one enjoys. It's how one establishes one's own values regarding masturbation and defines what pleasure is for oneself and by oneself. This then facilitates communication with one's partner during sexual activity .

Despite all these benefits, many women still don't dare to take the plunge, for several reasons, such as family culture, religion, shyness…

Masturbation in a relationship: still unspoken issues?

In a relationship, some women no longer dare to masturbate for fear of upsetting their partner, but masturbation is not a sign of sexual failure in the relationship , it can even be practiced as a couple .

Masturbation and sexual relations within a couple are actually two very different things. They can certainly be combined, but they generally fulfill different needs or desires.

One might also think that single women masturbate more. However, according to a 2021 Ifop survey , women in relationships continue to masturbate at almost the same frequency .

However, for a woman to discuss this within her relationship, she needs to feel reassured. She shouldn't fear her partner's reaction, who might judge this act as a "replacement" for unsatisfactory sex.

All studies show the difficulty women have in admitting to their solitary pleasures. As if this could be interpreted as a form of compulsive sexuality.

According to an Ifop study, nearly 45% of women in relationships have never discussed masturbation with their partner. Those aged 18-25 seem to be more open about it, discussing it somewhat more within their relationships.

As one might expect, if we admit to using masturbation for an investigation, in everyday life, it's not the topic that comes up most often!

Talking to your partner would also allow you to communicate more about your desires during sex , your individual preferences, and the things that appeal to you less: discovering your pleasures alone so you can then share them as a couple!

Some simply don't dare to admit it, for fear of judgment, of dishonor…

Léna, 30, an illustrator, had her first orgasmic experience at 11. She joyfully experiences "the little shiver caused by his caresses".

Very quickly, she embraced the pleasure it provided . But twenty years later, she observes that many of her friends think it's "abnormal to experience pleasure alone." She's surprised but understands: "We've always been told that a woman is supposed to find sexual fulfillment within a relationship. We still grow up with this idea that she just needs a man to be happy. If she masturbates, it's probably because she's a little frustrated, or downright nymphomaniac."

What are women's favorite stimulants?

French women also use tools for sexual arousal : porn sites , erotic books, sex toys , etc. In 2017, 49% of women said they had already used a sex toy. Taboos are a thing of the past.

Sexual representations have evolved, and so have the associated products. Since the 2000s, with online sales sites, then various city center shops, supermarkets, and even sex shops, the choice is vast!

There are thousands and hundreds of sex toys available. Choosing your first vibrator can be fraught with doubts and hesitations.

That's why we created Coco , which allows you to experience internal and external stimulation according to your desires and preferences. Equipped with ten modes for each function, it adapts to your body shape and can be used for penetration or not. It was specifically designed as a first sex toy, as its different intensities and modes will help you take your time and discover what truly brings you pleasure.

Is using a vibrator as a couple a good idea?

There are several reasons why you might want to use a sex toy during intercourse. First, they can bring something new to your relationship and allow you to discover new sensations together. They can easily become part of your erotic games, becoming your new partner .

Indeed, vibrators will stimulate libido and help you to increasingly sensitize your erogenous zones .

Thankfully, things are changing: masturbation isn't just a male thing! There's nothing wrong with feeling good!

Discover all the pleasures your body can offer you.