What is aftercare? Taking care of others and yourself after love

Sexual intercourse involves foreplay , the act itself, and perhaps orgasm. We have a fairly clear idea of what it's like to experience an intimate moment with multiple partners. Yet, we tend to forget what happens afterward.

Aftercare is one of the most important parts of sex, yet too few people know what it is. Often practiced within the context of dominant/submissive relationships, aftercare can also be practiced after more traditional sex. The goal? To gently come down after orgasm, strengthen the bond, and take care of your partner.

What is aftercare?

Originating from the BDSM community, where play sessions can lead participants into areas of great physical and emotional vulnerability, aftercare is the act of taking care ( care in English) after sexual intercourse ( after ) .

When body and mind ignite, you produce a powerful cocktail of hormones . Excitement transforms your physiology, stimulates your imagination, and strengthens the bond with your partner. Sometimes, it even propels us into another dimension. How do we find our way back to Earth?

Traditionally, aftercare encompasses practices that help both the dominant and their submissive gently return to reality after a session. It's a moment of intimacy and tenderness where each person feels soothed and receives the attention they need.

Much like consent arrived in the BDSM world long before being integrated into more traditional relationships, aftercare is positive for everyone.

Whether you are in a long-term relationship, an open relationship, or single and juggling multiple play partners, the moment following sex is always important.

Why practice aftercare?

Create a decompression chamber

The suspended moment of aftercare offers a safe space where partners can relax, calm down, and return to a state of tranquility. Think of it as a beautiful bridge connecting sex to your everyday life .

Instead of ending abruptly and suddenly returning to your endless to-do list , this moment promotes a feeling of physical and emotional well-being .

Caresses, sweet words and intimacy allow the body to return to normal physiology and hormone levels to return to their natural rhythm.

Strengthen the connection between partners

You've just had an incredible time as a couple, to the point that your legs are still shaking. What if we told you that the minutes following that seventh heaven are even more precious for nurturing the bond with your partner ?

The initial excitement subsides, making pillow talk easier. We talk openly and without judgment about what we liked or didn't like. It's the perfect opportunity to share our feelings and preferences , without guilt or blame.

Good news: the more you dare to open up, the more passionate and satisfying your next dates will be .

Getting rid of the sex blues

You may never have heard of post-coital dysphoria, also known as the sex blues , but you've almost certainly experienced it. You know, that moment right after sex when a profound sadness suddenly overwhelms you. You might feel depressed, and tears sometimes blur your vision.

According to a 2015 study by Dr. R. Schweiter, a psychologist, and clinical psychologist J. O'Brien, 46% of women and 41% of men feel overwhelmed by a wave of sadness after sexual intercourse .

This is where the superpower of aftercare comes into play!

This restorative practice allows strong emotions to be expressed in a healthy way. It offers an opportunity for mutual reassurance , comfort, and a feeling of being loved and supported . This creates a nurturing and supportive environment, which can greatly help to alleviate negative emotions felt after sexual activity.

Normalize pleasure

After sex , some people may feel embarrassed or guilty. Orgasm is sometimes accompanied by feelings of discomfort at having been so vulnerable. Thanks to centuries of prohibitions and taboos associated with pleasure! The period after sex is therefore not the time to leave the baby in a corner.

The practice of aftercare plays an important role in normalizing pleasure and helping to dismantle the stigma and shame associated with enjoyment. By sharing a bubble of support and acceptance , each partner invites the other to feel safe and comfortable with their own sensations and desires.

This gentle blend of listening and communication is the key to developing a more fulfilling relationship with one's sexuality and contributes to greater personal satisfaction.

By taking care of the aftermath, the sexual experience becomes more fulfilling: you create a positive atmosphere within the relationship. In short, aftercare is a valuable practice that fosters lasting and balanced emotional intimacy within a couple.

What does an aftercare moment look like?

Okay, we get the concept of aftercare , but where do we start? The answer is simple: communication. The first step to gently returning to reality is to talk with your partner . This can involve using affirmations about what you enjoyed. Make sure your partner's needs are met, then share what you'd like to receive to relax. Spoiler alert : very few people answer "roll over and sleep."

Then, depending on your mood, you can choose from a wide range of activities.

Aftercare is an easy practice to implement. The activities it involves can certainly evolve over time or from one appointment to the next. Stay attuned to your own desires and those of your partner .

“ Some people really enjoy closeness and cuddling, others need a lot of space and grounding, and some like both in no particular order. ” Caitlin V. Neal, sexologist, The Cut 

You can establish a ritual, such as improvising new activities each time. Only you decide, provided everyone consents, of course !

This phase following intimacy strengthens the relationship by fostering emotional connection and establishing a sense of security and mutual well-being. By taking the time to listen to your partner's needs and desires, aftercare helps deepen trust and strengthen the bonds within the couple, thus creating a more enriching and fulfilling sexual experience.

As you've probably gathered, aftercare is an essential practice that allows you to take care of yourself and your partner after sex . By offering a space for relaxation, connection, and support, it promotes physical and emotional recovery . By integrating aftercare into your intimate life, you can enjoy richer, more fulfilling, and more respectful experiences . Now that you know about what happens after sex, we invite you to discover how to make the most of what happens before, thanks to our sexual menu . After this, you'll be all set!