Deciphering the Romance Gap

Did you think that gender equality was limited to sharing household chores? Perhaps, as a woman educated about sexism in society, you are vigilant enough to ensure that your relationships are egalitarian .

And yet, roles and behaviors between men and women remain very gendered. This is what is called the Romance Gap . Much more than a neologism coined by Gen Z, the concept highlights a phenomenon long overlooked within heterosexual couples.

From dating to long-term monogamous relationships, gender stereotypes also intrude into the realm of love. 

What exactly is the Romance Gap?

Gender stereotypes applied to romantic relationships

The term originated with the dating app Bumble , which describes the Romance Gap as "a difference in expected behavior between people who identify as male and those who identify as female in a relational and romantic context ."

In other words, we receive a surprise package with different attitudes to adopt depending on our gender in order to find someone.

In a European survey conducted by YouGov for Bumble among 6,770 adults, nearly half of respondents reported feeling pressure from gender stereotypes in their romantic relationships. For these 47%, this prevents them from building egalitarian relationships.

Unsurprisingly, women are the most affected by the Romance Gap . 33% of women surveyed even admitted to changing their behavior to make their partner feel more in control. We can do better !

How is the Romance Gap translated?

When we look at the world of dating through the lens of the Romance Gap , we realize that it's ultimately a highly codified courtship dance. Each person is assigned a specific role. If all goes well, who knows, maybe they'll find eternal love?

Men are expected to be proactive and suggest the first date. According to the same study, one in five people believe a man should be persistent in his pursuit of the woman he desires. Finally, to conform to societal norms, a man is expected to earn more than his partner.

Women, for their part, must be careful not to send too many messages, lest they appear desperate or even clingy. They are also expected to remain rather passive in decision-making, as if they should respond rather than initiate.

Can't help but remember times we've unconsciously followed these patterns? Us too. Good news: we have the power to change this dynamic!

How can we make our relationships more egalitarian?

Communicate clearly with your partner

Opening up the conversation and sharing your feelings with your partner is the best way to break free from these gendered chains and give free rein to seduction.

Approach the subject without seriousness or guilt . Whether it's in the context of a long-term relationship or a flirtation, you have the right to no longer want to exhaust yourself playing a role.

The more specific you are about the situations you would like to see change, the easier it will be to achieve equality .

If you don't want to bear the entire burden of finding solutions , invite your partner to participate in the brainstorming. He may have noticed certain behaviors he hasn't dared to share with you, because he himself was constrained by his role as a silent man.

Knowing how to set boundaries in a relationship

Once you have opened the conversation about gender stereotypes in the couple, it is time to share what you accept or do not accept.

To find out, we recommend a moment of introspection and exploration . In what areas have you wanted to appear as a "cool and easygoing girl"? What would you have done if you didn't have this pressure on your shoulders?

By clearly stating your expectations and desires, you regain control and give two human beings a chance to discover each other in all their authenticity .

Although the Romance Gap has only recently come to the forefront, we all share experiences where our actions have been dictated by gender stereotypes . It's high time we let go of the pressure to be the perfect girlfriend. Want to be fully yourself in your relationship? Why not start by boosting your sexual confidence ?