Positive sexuality: what is it, how to practice it on a daily basis?

Positive sexuality? No more taboos! Although people are speaking more freely, discussions about relationships generally fall into two categories.

• The first is based on performance.

• The second concerns problems encountered during the reports.

The sex-positive movement presents sexuality as an integral part of our personal fulfillment. It encourages a change in attitude and rejects current standards of performance and conformity . Having a satisfying sex life is a genuine path to well-being . As you've probably guessed, this is Puissante's vision.

This article attempts to answer the question "what is positive sexuality?" in a concise manner. 

What is positive sexuality?

We could define positive sexuality as an attitude towards human sexuality that considers all consensual activities as healthy and pleasurable. It encourages sexual pleasure and experimentation .

As its name suggests, positive sexuality is based on the idea that sex is not a degrading, negative, and taboo subject.

There are different definitions of positive sexuality. But the foundation of the movement is the recognition of sexuality , in its countless forms of expression, as a natural part of the human experience.

This therefore includes:

• gender expression,

• sexual orientation,

• the relationship to the body,

• the choice of relationship style,

• reproductive rights,

• the way in which sex education is taught in schools.

In short, positive sexuality seeks to change negative perceptions about relationships and to empower all individuals to control their sex lives.

As long as all partners enthusiastically consent to the relationship, being sexually positive leads to safer sex and increased pleasure for all involved.

Sex is not a performance

A distorted eroticism

Did you know that there are Air Sex competitions? Just like Air Guitar, participants mime a sexual act with an invisible partner.

As the brilliant Stark Raving points out , Eric Clapton never participated in air guitar tournaments. A good guitarist isn't an air guitarist, and good sex isn't air sex . Besides, let's remember that sex isn't a competitive sport.

Furthermore, for most of us, our sexual imagination has been shaped, directly or indirectly, by pornography . In mainstream heterosexual pornography, men assert their virility by going faster, deeper, and harder. They must make their partner scream at all costs.

The woman, for her part, must arch her back, moan sensually without crying out. She must reach orgasm on time and, above all, be a champion of fellatio and sodomy.

Consequently, the pressure on the couple is enormous . Some even admit to mentally rehearsing the scene beforehand to ensure they don't mess up (The Guardian study). Relationships quickly shift from pleasurable experiences to sources of anxiety and blockages.

Rest assured, sex is not a competition for orgasm, endurance, or a question of centimeters. 

A question of presence

The goal of the positive sexuality movement is to move away from clichés about sexuality .

Sex is not about performance, but about presence.

It is an intimate moment shared alone, in pairs, in threes, fours, twentys, where each person is involved with their whole being. Each person allows themselves to be themselves, vulnerable and with an open heart, ready to give, as well as to receive.

Safe sex

Safe sex practices

Safe sex is a major part of the discussion on positive sexuality . By "safe," we naturally mean protection using condoms, screening for sexually transmitted infections, and contraception, but it goes beyond physical health.

The concept of safe sex can also include conversations about the partners' sexual history; as well as emotional and psychological safety, such as supporting a partner suffering from sexual dysfunction or having a history of sexual abuse.

Emphasis on emotional safety

In terms of emotional security, it's about enjoying yourself with a partner you feel comfortable with and in a stimulating environment.

Partners feel inspired and empowered to express their fantasies and desires openly, honestly, and authentically. Naturally, trust is a fundamental quality in a healthy sexual relationship.

Safe sex also emphasizes education , as most mistakes stem from ignorance. By adopting a positive approach to sexuality , partners strive to dismantle the myths surrounding sex. 

Some myths surrounding sexual practices

"He didn't look like he had an STD."
"You can't feel anything with a condom."
"Lesbians cannot catch STDs."
"It's embarrassing to use lubricant, I'm not wet enough. "
"Don't worry, coconut oil works well as a lubricant with a condom."
" Masturbating while in a relationship is almost like cheating."

Fake ! 

Don't panic, we've prepared an article with our favorite resources to (re)learn how to enjoy yourself.

Communication first and foremost

Positive sexuality is impossible without communication between partners. Discussing sexuality before, during, and after a sexual experience only enriches the connection between participants and leads to more intense moments. 

In short, communicating your desires , consent, and boundaries to your partner(s) is essential for a fulfilling sex life . Perhaps one day you'll be in the mood to try bondage, and the next day you won't feel like it. Perhaps your partner wants to guide you in how you give them pleasure. Perhaps what you do with one partner doesn't work with another.

Note: sexual positivity doesn't mean having an oversized libido or being ready to try everything all the time . Being sex-positive isn't synonymous with a constant desire for sex, nor with obligatory sensuality. 

Rule number 1 of positive sex: do what you like

Our relationship to pleasure and our desires are intimate and part of our personality . The positive sexuality movement emphasizes that there are as many sexualities as there are people . Strict rules and codes have no place in the expression of desire.

As you will have understood, tolerance is the key word, both for oneself and for others.

As long as our fantasies and naughty desires are practiced within a healthy and consensual framework, nothing is "perverse", "twisted" or "disgusting".

Some ideas for changing your perception of sex as a codified activity:

• Sexuality is a valid form of personal expression.

• Having fetishes doesn't mean you're weird.

• A sexual relationship can have other goals besides orgasm.

• It is possible to change our mind about our desire at any time (even during intercourse).

For Puissante, this movement is an invitation to emancipate ourselves and affirm our sexuality. Whether we are cisgender, transgender, or genderfluid men and women, in an exclusive, polyamorous, or single relationship. It also includes people with little or no sexual desire, such as asexuals.

Positive sexuality invites us all as individuals to express our desires, to explore our pleasure as well as to learn to refuse what we do not want.