Everything you need to know about fantasies

Your brain is the epicenter of desire and pleasure. It is THE main organ involved in your intimacy and sexuality. It is thanks to your brain that you can feel and fantasize. 

Your unconscious is a veritable factory of erotic stories that nourish and color your imagination. Yet, we rarely dare to explore them. Still taboo subjects, fantasies are too often repressed, considered deviant, and sometimes even shameful. Are they meant to be acted out? Can they be shared with partners? In this article, we shed some light on the still largely obscure world of fantasies . 

What is a fantasy?

No definition without an etymological root!

The word " phantasm " originates from Ancient Greek, derived from the word φα ́ντασμα , meaning "hallucination," "apparition," and even "ghost." Its usage evolved throughout history, passing through the Latin "phantasma," meaning "mental image" or "illusion," before finally taking its current form in French.

In short, a fantasy is a mental representation whispered to our imagination by our unconscious. It's a projection of our desires, our repressed traumas, and our deepest anxieties. To help us process all this dramatic energy, the unconscious transforms it into vivid scenarios . It's as if our inner world has a cinema where we can watch films produced in the studios of our imagination.

Although, according to Freud , fantasies originate from sexual drives, they are not solely oriented towards sexuality . One can fantasize about security and wealth as much as about erotic adventures .

They can involve real people, fictional characters, places, situations, or imaginary scenarios. You have the right to fantasize about your next-door neighbor as much as about Jar Jar Binks from Star Wars.

“ Fantasies are images that crystallize around an unconscious desire . And in this definition, there is the word 'desire': fantasies are a natural way to stimulate sexual desire throughout life. Therefore, not only is it normal to have them, but it is also essential and recommended: fantasies are an indicator of a healthy libido. ” Yvonne Poncet-Bonissol, psychoclinician and expert psychologist, in an interview with Marie-Claire

In this article, we have chosen to focus on sexual fantasies , which are a natural and healthy expression of our sexuality.

Being in touch with your fantasies allows you to:

• explore your desires safely,

• to develop our erotic imagination

• improve your sexual creativity

• reduce sexual pressure,

• stimulate your imagination,

• getting to know you,

• to serve as a temporary distraction to reduce anxiety. 

Examining one's fantasies to better understand oneself

Depending on your background and personality, fantasy can be a source of inspiration or of guilt and stress.

Do fantasies reveal anything about your moral sense?

When you confront your fantasies , you navigate between the intense desire they arouse within you and the limits that seem to hold you back. These fantasies thus pass before several instances of judgment: our own moral code , social norms and injunctions, and your personal ideal.

If the desire projected in your fantasies overwhelms these limits with an irresistible force, it can be difficult to restrain them. Conversely, if anxiety or guilt becomes overwhelming, you may be led to sacrifice your most intimate daydreams .

The secret? Tame them and see them as a distorted mirror of who you are. You have to take the drama out of them and embrace them as a normal part of your intimacy. It's a bit like your secret garden.

Fantasies as a source of creativity

Fantasies are a sign of vibrant life energy. That's pretty good news , isn't it? This form of creativity proves you're ready to seize life to the fullest. To explore your fantasies , draw on erotic content such as steamy audio, readings , or even erotic writing . It's a new form of self-care .

Your fantasies drive you to discover yourself , to give yourself moments (real or imagined) just for you. For example, behind the fantasy of submission often lies the need to let go, to take a break from one's hectic daily life, and to rely on another to take care of oneself. Moreover, contrary to popular belief, men also fantasize about submission. According to a study conducted by three expert professors and published in " The Journal of Sexual Medicine ," 53% of men entertain this fantasy of submission!

Another example: exhibitionist scenarios that highlight your need to be seen and approved by others. Be curious! 

Should we act on our fantasies?

To put it simply: it's up to you! It's a very personal decision.

Some secret desires are meant to be fulfilled, and others are meant to remain in the realm of imagination.

Does the threesome that you've been eyeing for so long have a place in your reality, or will it be fueled by your imagination for eternity?

Fantasies can be a fascinating source of exploration for some of us. They help us better understand our sexuality and embrace who we are. Transposing them into real life takes us out of the realm of fantasy and unconscious games.

Often, an erotic scenario in real life bears no resemblance to what you imagined . It's important to cherish it as a genuine experience. The atmosphere isn't always as sensual, and your partner's actions and sensations are likely different from what you envisioned in your mind.

“ But here too, you have to be aware that if you act on it, you lose your fantasy . Because the act generally goes much less well than when it was just a fantasy. Making love to the man or woman of your life on a deserted beach, for example. It's likely that the sand that gets in the way during the act and makes you itch wasn't part of your fantasy… And yet, in reality, there's sand! It's the same with insects or ears of wheat if you dream of making love in a field… Inevitably, you'll be disappointed . ” Dr. Collier, in an interview with Sud-Ouest, 2021

Conversely, it is essential not to use fantasies as a way to escape reality . In such situations, denial can easily take hold and cause you to lose touch with the world around you.

Understanding how your fantasies are formed allows you to readjust them so they bring satisfaction without becoming uncontrollable obsessions. It's not necessarily about acting out every fantasy, but rather about finding healthy ways to express the driving energy that accompanies them .

Fantasies are an integral part of your sex life. Products of our erotic imagination, they reflect your vital energy and creativity . Listen to your fantasies , explore them , and find healthy ways to express them, all while remaining connected to the reality around you. For a first encounter with your inner film library, why not try the exercise of a sexual menu? We'll tell you all about it here .