What is sexual charge?

Choice of contraception, seduction, anxiety related to libido, injunction to orgasm, etc., women bear the invisible weight of a sexual life that must be perfectly fulfilling in a couple.

Contrary to popular belief, inequalities don't stop at housework ; they extend into our bedrooms and the very core of our intimacy. Today, we invite you to decipher and deconstruct the sexual burden .

What is sexual charge?

We had already heard about the concept of "mental load" and its counterpart, emotional load, both at home and at the office. This refers to all the daily tasks:

• the need to think about appointments,

• to administrative paperwork,

• to pick up the children from school or the gym,

• having to remind one's partner of certain things...

To clarify the term "sexual load," Caroline Michel, co-author of Sexual Load: Why Sexuality Is Women's Other Mental Load, explains: "Sexual load is the mental and emotional load that become embedded in intimacy. The first corresponds to organizing and managing sexuality; the second, to constantly being concerned about the other person."

The mental and emotional burdens applied to intimacy take a multitude of forms.

• I need to remember to make an appointment to have my implant replaced.

• Am I well-groomed?

• How can we spice up our sex life?

• Do we have enough sex?

• I need to find a matching lingerie set for our next date.

• Why don't I always feel desire for the other person?

The marital duty that might seem outdated today has been transformed into a cognitive and emotional burden . 

Gender inequality at the root of the sexual burden

Although it also manifests itself within queer couples, the sexual charge is more present in heterosexual relationships.

In the preamble to their book, journalists Caroline Michel and Clémentine Gallot explain that "To understand the sexual charge, one must first recognize male domination and the objective privileges enjoyed by men. That is to say, the androcentrism of society: everything revolves around it, everything is made for it, everything is in the image of masculinity."

The sexual burden thus perpetuates gender stereotypes in which the woman takes on the role of the nurse or mother who takes care of everything, nurtures her partner, and fully assumes the role of seducer. The man, on the other hand, is always seen as wanting sex. His arousal alone is considered sufficient to arouse desire, and his ejaculation to end the act.

Some ways to free yourself from the sexual burden

Becoming aware of the distribution of roles in sex

The sexuality you see in the media and in pornographic films revolves around male satisfaction and the performance of pleasure .

Questioning this norm leads to initial awareness. Mentally noting the situations in which you experience and perpetuate gender stereotypes can help you gain perspective.

Little by little, this awareness gives you the power to decide the conditions of your pleasure and to take back control of your sex life.

Open a dialogue with your partner

This approach may seem contradictory. You might think that undertaking the work of education and dialogue on this subject is, in itself, an emotional burden to bear.

But it can also be a true liberation .

A first point to consider can be contraception . Although procreation takes place in the woman's body, we are only fertile for a few days each month. Conversely, men are fertile almost their entire lives, 7 days a week. Do you see the inconsistency?

Added to these facts is the cost in time and money of medical appointments for female contraception.

Since this information is undeniable, it allows us to build a solid argument in favor of abolishing gender roles within a relationship.

Once the change of perspective has been made, it will be easier to talk about the pressures surrounding sensuality, seduction, performance and libido that weigh on women.

Explore your desires and wants

One of the most powerful antidotes to sexual pressure is to put YOUR pleasure back at the center of your intimacy. When you are overwhelmed by demands to seduce and give pleasure, you tend to forget yourself.

You are then playing yet another role that suits the male gaze. To break free from this constraint that limits you to an object of desire, we suggest you rethink your sexuality .

Break free from a conventional sex life, sweep away the "shoulds" and "musts" to explore what feels good to you. This could involve erotic writing ,masturbation with or without a vibrator, or reconnecting with your sensuality .

Don't be afraid to test , taste, and chart your own course towards authentic enjoyment.

Understanding the sexual charge can feel like a monumental slap in the face when you first encounter the term. Yet, this awareness is essential for building a more fulfilling life and advancing the fight against gender stereotypes . If you'd like to take some time for yourself, feel free to check out our article: Taking Time for Yourself: 21 Solo Date Ideas .