Our best tips for starting a threesome

Embarking on the adventure of an intimate triptych with your partner is a subject that can arouse both curiosity and apprehension. This fantasy of a threesome, shared by many couples, can be a source of exploration and infinite pleasure as long as it is approached with respect and care. However, realizing such a fantasy requires more than a simple desire to experiment and involves the “validation” of a certain number of preliminary steps. Sharing this desire with your partner is the very first phase of this adventure and can nevertheless be the most difficult to overcome. By approaching this subject in the right way, it is then possible to create an environment of trust where the desires and limits of each person are respected. Communication then becomes a fundamental pillar to avoid any misunderstanding or discomfort and allows you to create intense intimate experiences.

How to approach a threesome as a couple?

Choosing the right time to bring up the threesome can be a decisive factor in how the other person will receive the information. Choose a setting that is conducive to intimate discussions, such as a private place. Make sure that no one around can hear or interfere in the discussion. If it takes place outdoors, choose nature with large, uncrowded places. Make sure you have time in front of you and do not bring up the subject just before an important or crucial event for one of you. It is necessary to let the discussion exist in space, but also in time!

 

Use a caring and open tone to express your desire. Using positive communication and “I” to talk about your desires can be effective as long as the other person does not feel constrained, accused or guilty. Explain why this fantasy attracts you and for how long, specifying to the other person that it is by their side that you want to realize it.

 

Allow time for reflection and decision. Do not demand a quick and positive reaction from the other person right from the start. Surprise, questions or apprehension are often part of the first reactions and this is completely natural! Likewise, allow them to take the time to think and come back to you later with an answer. It is not about choosing your dish at the restaurant but about embarking on an adventure that involves us physically and mentally! Whatever the answer, accept that it may change or evolve over time. Obviously, if the answer is negative, respect it, it has nothing to do with the love or trust your partner has for you!

 

How to prepare a threesome?

Exploring expectations and fears together

Manage potential jealousies by being clear about the fact that this emotion (sometimes unpleasant) can complicate the experience and weaken the couple. Reduce the risks of tension and/or discomfort by addressing this specific point transparently beforehand. If jealousy is already part of your relationship, it is very likely that it will also be part of this specific moment. Ask each other what you want to see or not from your partner that day. Keep in mind that even if jealousy is not a priori present in your relationship, this kind of practice can trigger it! 

Discuss possible scenarios, talking about both the negative and the positive! Make sure everyone is comfortable with what could happen and try to define a more or less precise framework in order to limit the risks. Each of you take turns talking about your ideal scenario, then your worst. Humor or self-mockery can help at this stage! 

Take emotions into account by listing, if necessary, on a piece of paper the positive AND negative emotions that this experiment can a priori arouse in each of you. Use this support to discuss how to promote pleasure and avoid any disappointment. On the big day, this will be able to guide everyone's actions.

 

Ensure a safe and respectful environment

Set clear rules, such as a “safe word” or gestures to stop if one of the participants feels uncomfortable. Don’t hesitate to bring up practices you don’t want to try that day. Choose a place where you feel comfortable and safe. 

Protect yourself by addressing physical safety issues like using condoms or getting tested for STIs early. When it comes to sex, you can never be too careful! Adopt a zero-risk policy for maximum enjoyment.

Select 3rd person

Prefer someone from outside your close circle rather than a friend or acquaintance who could complicate the experience and especially the aftermath. Discuss with your partner in complete transparency the criteria that attract you sexually speaking: gender, age, physical attributes and try to join each other on a profile. A step that is always easier and more enjoyable when the third person is not part of your close friends! 

Use dedicated platforms to filter “sexual” profiles open to this type of fantasy. Some offer geolocated and discreet services to save considerable time in your searches. Enter your different criteria: woman, man, age group… and let yourself be guided! 

Be clear about expectations from the start by explaining to the third person the rules and limits established with your partner. Make sure that they understand and respect your approach as well as your relationship. If you do not want to continue the relationship in the future and limit yourself to a one-time sexual relationship with this person: now is the time to make this clear to them!

Preparing for the future

Welcome your emotions and those of others, whether they are positive, negative, mixed or unexpected. Be honest with yourself about what you feel by welcoming your feelings without judgment or preconceptions. By giving them room to exist, you facilitate the proper management of these feelings!

 

Draw up a more or less complete and more or less formal positive AND negative assessment of the experience according to your needs. Each in turn, discuss how you experienced the moment by giving the other some keys to understanding what you liked, disliked, surprised, excited, etc.

 

Reassess your limits and desires. Take stock of what this sexual experimentation has brought to your relationship and whether you want to do it again. If so, what do you want to change or not about the experience and the context?

 

Stay tuned to each other by continuing to foster caring and open communication around your sexuality, your practices and your relationship in general. Keep in mind that sex is also a story of sharing and trust!

 

The best positions for a threesome

Here is a selection of possible positions for a threesome:

 

• Double penetration
• The sandwich
• The tricycle
• 69 in a trio
• The erotic chair
• The whirlwind

 

The threesome plan offers many possibilities for positions and variations. The composition of the trio will also be decisive in practice if you are 3 men, 3 women, 2 men & 1 woman, 2 women & 1 man etc. Do not hesitate to let yourself be guided by your desires, the rhythm of the moment and your intuition to initiate new placements. Throughout the duration of the report, remember that any practice must be guided by consent, respect and mutual pleasure between participants.

 

Want to make the moment even more fun and playful? Why not integrate accessories or the use of vibr0s. A point to address and validate together beforehand… obviously.

First 3some? Our best tips 

Say it! A threesome is like the first time, the best thing is for your partners to know. Whether the unknown scares you or not, be honest about the fact that this is a first for you. This will allow your partners to be patient, understanding and maybe even offer you special support. And if it's a first for everyone, it's also nice to feel understood and in the same boat! When it comes to sexuality, honesty is always the best option!

 

Don't try to inspire yourself too much. Just like a first sexual relationship, it is sometimes better not to draw too much inspiration from what you find on the internet. Don't distort your vision and your experience with staged images, which are too often far removed from real life. So be careful with porn, or at least the type of porn you consume. Live in the moment and accept that everything is not perfect or fluid: that is also the charm of human relationships!

 

Don't forget to enjoy! You wanted and waited for this moment. Preparing for it as best you can to ensure safety and serenity is good, but don't forget that it's just about pleasure! Just before taking the plunge, remember the reasons that pushed you to initiate this process. Stay curious, positive, caring and everything will go well. Sometimes, a threesome only happens once in a lifetime!

 

If a threesome is an idea that appeals to you, it seems that you are ready to take the plunge! The crazy adventure of an erotic threesome awaits you, and with it its share of surprises and pleasure. Good luck and don't forget: the more hands, the more fun!

Not ready to take the plunge yet? What if we took you to explore your kinks? https://puissante.co/blogs/blog/kinks