Our best tips for starting a threesome

Alongside a steamy encounter with a stranger, a threesome is among the most common fantasies for women (Gleeden study, June 2023). Embarking on the adventure of an intimate threesome , whether with or without your partner, is a topic that can arouse both curiosity and apprehension.

However, fulfilling such a fantasy is much more than simply wanting to experiment, and involves a few preparation steps . We're sharing our best tips to make this moment a pleasurable interlude filled with fun and confidence.

How to initiate a threesome when you're single?

Reflect on your motivations.

Before seeking out others to share this intimate moment with , give yourself some real time for introspection. This can be an opportunity to discover your sexual personality and spark different reflections.

Taking the time to understand why you want to experience this threesome can give you some keys to putting it into practice. Is it out of simple sexual curiosity , because someone has raved about it, to revive a flagging libido, or even to "not die ignorant"? Try to put words to what attracts you without judging your desires.

The goal here is to help you decide whether or not this type of fantasy should be acted upon or kept in your private life.

Before you begin, discuss the three-way plan.

Embarking on a solo search for partners can sometimes raise questions or concerns. Don't panic, talk to other trusted people around you.

Best friends, family, or even your sex therapist—they may have already thought about it or even tried it? By overcoming the fear of judgment, it can lead to deep and valuable conversations.

Stop feeling guilty and break the taboos . It's by speaking out that we can all move forward! And chances are you share the fantasies of many other people.

Becoming aware of it is already a step towards feeling less alone.

Spoiler alert : examining your fantasies can even be a tool for getting to know yourself better! 

Specify your vision of fantasy

If the steps above have reinforced your desire, now is the time to make your vision of the 3-way plan a reality .

Here are some ideas to guide your thinking.

• What are my motivations for this experience?
  Is it out of curiosity, to explore my sexuality, to live a specific experience, or to satisfy a need for adventure?

• What type of dynamic do I want?
  Do I want both my partners to be equally comfortable with each other, or would I prefer to be the center of attention without interaction?

• Have I clearly defined my limits ?
  What actions or interactions are out of the question for me? Am I ready to clearly communicate my limits and expectations to both partners?

• How will I find trustworthy partners ?
  Am I comfortable with the idea of meeting strangers for an intimate experience, or would I prefer to include people I already know?

• How will I ensure the safety and protection of everyone?
  Have I discussed the use of protection against STIs, and how will I manage the security logistics with two partners?

• Am I ready to handle any potential emotions ?
  Am I aware that unexpected emotions may arise, such as jealousy, discomfort, or a feeling of comparison, whether with myself or my partners?

• What level of communication am I willing to engage in?
  Am I comfortable with the idea of having an open discussion before and after the experience to ensure everyone feels respected and heard?

• Am I comfortable with the confidentiality of this experience?
  Have I verified that my partners will respect the confidentiality surrounding this experience and will not discuss it without my consent? Have I clearly committed to doing the same?

Don't hesitate to write all of this down to gain clarity and move forward with peace of mind. This exercise may reveal new limitations or new desires. 

How to initiate a threesome with your partner?

Choose the right moment and the right words

The way in which the three-way plan is approached can be a decisive factor in how the other person will receive the information.

Choose a setting conducive to intimate discussions, such as a private place. Make sure no one around can hear or interfere with the conversation.

If this takes place outdoors, choose a natural setting with wide open spaces and few people around. Make sure you have plenty of time and don't bring up the subject just before an important or significant event for either of you.

Using positive , "I" statements to talk about your desires can be effective as long as the other person doesn't feel forced, accused, or guilty , and that's extremely important for getting the right message across.

Talking about sex in a relationship is sometimes not intuitive, but it can be learned!

Explain why this fantasy appeals to you and for how long, specifying to the other person that it is with them that you want to realize it.

Give your partner time to think

Don't demand a quick and positive reaction from the other person right from the start.

Surprise, questions, or apprehension are often among the first reactions, and that's totally natural!

Similarly, allow him/her time to reflect and come back to you later with an answer. This isn't about choosing a dish at a restaurant, but about embarking on an adventure that involves them physically and emotionally !

Whatever the answer, accept that it may change or evolve over time. Of course, if the answer is negative, respect it; it has nothing to do with the love or trust your partner has for you—it's a very personal choice.

Three-way plan: how to manage potential jealousies?

Be aware that this emotion, which is not always pleasant, can complicate the experience and weaken the couple.

Reduce the risk of tension or discomfort by addressing this specific point transparently before the report. Talk about it several times, even if necessary.

Ask each other what you do and don't want to see from your partner that day. Keep in mind that even if jealousy isn't present in your relationship, this type of practice can trigger it.

If jealousy is already a part of your relationship, it's very likely to surface during the experience. If that's the case, it might not be the right time to initiate a threesome, and that's okay!

If for one reason or another one of you isn't quite ready to take the plunge, you can explore different ways to spice up your couple's sex life !

Our tips for creating a safe environment during a threesome

Define the environment of the sexual encounter

Whether you embark on this threesome fantasy alone or as a couple , it is essential to create an environment where safety and respect for others take precedence.

First, think about the environment and the scenario beforehand.

Where do you envision yourself? The cozy and reassuring setting of your home, or something more impersonal like a hotel room?

Can you imagine a particular scenario or role-playing? Ask yourself what elements excite you and what might make you uncomfortable.

Projecting yourself into the act will be a real plus in outlining the contours of a situation in which you will feel good, free and open to pleasure .

Once you're clear on this, share it with your partners . Make sure everyone is comfortable with what might happen and try to define a more or less precise framework together. The goal? To leave as much room for pleasure as possible!

“ In the WhatsApp group, depending on our availability, we sometimes chatted as a threesome, sometimes as a couple. My darling and I tried to be as considerate as possible . We didn't want a relationship between a couple and a third person, but rather a threesome .”

Each of us expressed our desires, more or less explicitly. Again, we exchanged suggestive images, which fueled our excitement and allowed us to clearly communicate our desires and boundaries. All three of us were very aroused during these discussions. ” Testimony from a Madmoizelle reader (2021)

While communication and listening are obviously essential at this stage, don't forget that humor or self-deprecation can also help.

This stage is an opportunity to talk openly and without taboos or reservations about what you dream of experiencing and what excites you. 

Plan for 3: Establish clear rules

Although less pleasant than the previous step, establishing rules is non-negotiable. They ensure the physical and psychological safety of the participants.

There's no need to spend hours on it or create a charter, but be sure to address all the important elements from your perspective. This could include specific practices, behaviors, words, or actions. Consent is key !

For example, you can establish a “ safe word ” or gestures to stop if one of the participants feels uncomfortable.

Don't neglect risk prevention

Protect yourself by addressing physical safety such as using condoms or getting tested for STIs beforehand.

When it comes to sex, you can never be too careful! Adopt a zero-risk policy for maximum pleasure. 

Think about what comes next for a smooth end to the relationship.

Aftercare is a crucial moment in the smooth running of an intimate moment .

• Welcome your emotions, whether they are positive, negative, mixed, or unexpected.

• Be honest with yourself about what you feel by observing your feelings without judgment or preconceptions. This suspended moment is meant to allow them space to exist.

• Draw up a positive and negative assessment of the experience, more or less complete and more or less formal depending on your needs.

• If you wish, discuss how you experienced the moment with your partners, giving them some insights into what you liked, disliked, were surprised by, or excited.

• Reassess your limits and desires . Take stock of what this sexual experiment has brought you and whether you want to repeat it. 

How to choose the right partners for a threesome?

If you don't want to embark on this experience with people close to you, there are a multitude of platforms for finding willing partners.

Some websites or applications offer geolocation-based and discreet services for considerable time savings in your searches.

If you are starting out as a couple, consider communicating openly with your partner about the criteria that attract you sexually: gender, age, physical attributes, and try to connect on a profile.

Explain your approach and desires clearly. Make sure your partners understand and respect them. 

First plan for three? Our best advice

Say it!

A threesome is like the first time; it's best if your partners are aware of it.

Even if you're a little intimidated, be honest about the fact that this is your first time . This will allow your partners to be patient, understanding, and perhaps even offer you special support.

And if it's a first for everyone, it's also nice to feel understood and in the same boat! When it comes to sexuality , honesty is always the best option. 

Don't look for inspiration on adult websites

Just like with a first sexual relationship , it's sometimes best not to take too much inspiration from what you find on the internet.

Don't distort your vision and experience with staged images , which are all too often far removed from real life.

So be careful with porn, or at least with Type of videos consumed . Opt instead for podcasts that are reassuring and inspiring ! Live in the moment and accept that everything won't be perfect or seamless: that's also part of the charm of human relationships !

Keep in mind that it will never be like in the movies, where everything seems perfectly choreographed. Welcome moments of awkwardness, unexpected laughter, or poor synchronization of movements with kindness , and don't try to avoid them.

It is generally these precise moments that we experience most intensely and that make the connection even more interesting and subtle. 

Get into the mood for a threesome

Even if you've wanted it very much, the moment before sex can be particularly intimidating. Those minutes when things aren't fully underway and the ice isn't completely broken can seem long or unnerve you.

To experience the moment in the most fluid and pleasant way possible, do not hesitate to voluntarily immerse yourself in an atmosphere conducive to relaxation, confession, and intimacy .

This could be, for example, by preparing an aperitif or going out together in the evening and then letting spontaneity take over.

Don't forget to have fun!

You wanted and waited for this moment. Preparing it as best as possible to guarantee safety and peace of mind is good, but don't forget that this is all about pleasure !

Just before taking the plunge, remind yourself of the reasons that led you to initiate this process. Remain curious, positive, and kind, and everything will be fine.

Sometimes, a threesome only happens once in a lifetime: make the most of this moment.

Sex positions to try during a threesome

Here is a selection of possible positions for a threesome :

• Double penetration,

• The sandwich,

• The tricycle,

• The 69 in trio,

• The erotic chair,

• The whirlwind

The threesome offers numerous possibilities for positions and variations. The composition of the trio will also be crucial in practice: 3 men, 3 women, 2 men & 1 woman, or 2 women & 1 man.

Feel free to let yourself be guided by your desires, the rhythm of the moment and your intuition to initiate new positions .

Throughout the entire report , remember that all practices must be guided by consent, respect, and mutual pleasure between participants.

Want to make the moment even more fun and playful? Why not consider accessories or vibrators ? It's obviously important to discuss this and agree on it beforehand.

 If a threesome appeals to you, it seems you're ready to take the plunge! The wild adventure of an erotic trio awaits, along with its share of surprises and pleasure . Have you decided to keep this fantasy a secret? Why not put it down on paper with erotic writing ? We'll give you all our tips right here .