How to talk about sex in your relationship

Whatever type of relationship you have with your partner, you might think that if you click, your sex life will automatically be passionate. Spoiler alert : the less you talk about pleasure, the more it tends to fade.

When desire is at its peak at the beginning of a relationship, it's easy to think that everything will always go smoothly.

“ People assume that sexuality in a couple is natural and spontaneous, that there is no need to talk about it,” explains sexologist Alexandre Vatimbella, in an interview with Cosmopolitan.

However, not communicating your desires can have real consequences on your relationships: sexual difficulties, lack of libido, boredom…

Today, more than one in ten women still do not dare to talk openly about sexuality with their partner ( Terpan Prevention survey ).

At Puissante, our mission is to address communication breakdowns in relationships . Here are our top tips for approaching the topic with kindness and giving yourself the best chance for a fulfilling sex life!

Choosing the right time to talk about sex in your relationship

Before starting the conversation, we recommend finding a suitable moment to discuss your sexual desires and preferences.

Between the cheese course and dessert during a family meal is perhaps not the best time, is it? Nor is going straight to bed after a steamy encounter.

Choose a non-sexual setting and make sure you are both available and relaxed. This could be a quiet Sunday afternoon or perhaps over drinks one evening. The idea is to create a safe space where each person can share what excites them while respecting the other.

If you wish, you can inform your partner of the purpose of the conversation . This is an excellent way to avoid misunderstandings and to encourage mutual openness.

Address one topic at a time

Hooray, the dialogue is open! Now, it's essential to address the most important topic first . Don't bombard your partner with all the information about your need for pleasure, from the desire to incorporate vibrators into your sex life to the fulfillment of your wildest fantasies .

You could start by sharing an initial idea to explore together. Be sure to give your partner a chance to respond to the suggestion . Who knows, they might have some great ideas to make this new experience a success! Active listening is essential to maintaining trust and strengthening your intimate connection .

By taking things one step at a time, you allow your partner to gradually adapt to your desires and feel more comfortable in the discussion.

Intimate conversation: staying positive

The sexual sphere is rife with injunctions and taboos. These touch on identity, self-confidence, your relationships with others, and sometimes even deeper traumas. In short, your approach to sex reflects your very personal worldview.

It is therefore difficult to know absolutely how your partner perceives sexuality . That's why, when you talk about sexuality, try to maintain a positive tone.

When expressing your desires or concerns, pay attention to your language and how you phrase things. Avoid blaming or criticizing your partner and instead start from your own feelings. Instead of saying, " You don't satisfy me sexually ," try, " I'd like to explore new things with you because I want to experience new sensations ."

Not only is your message likely to fall flat with your partner, but they might also perceive your words as yet another injunction , a judgment, or sexual pressure. And that's precisely what you want to avoid.

Before discussing the aspects you'd like to improve, take a moment to highlight what works well during your interactions. Express your gratitude and appreciation for the intimate moments you share.

You can try the "compliment sandwich" or " feedback sandwich " method by starting with a compliment , followed by your concern, and ending with another compliment. It's a great technique for maintaining a positive atmosphere and avoiding any feelings of personal criticism. 

Keep communication active

Once you've opened the floodgates of intimate communication , it's up to both people to keep them that way. The goal: for conversations about sexuality to be as ordinary as any other. Yes, it's possible!

Here are some suggestions to encourage this regular communication:

Trying out erotic games

Erotic games offer a playful and fun way to explore your desires and fantasies as a couple. It's a common misconception that they're limited to erotic dice and are a bit outdated . Not at all! Today, there are countless brands offering increasingly inventive options. Games are ideal for opening up conversation in a lighthearted way.

Have you considered using an oracle deck ? It's a great tool for gently and calmly discussing intimate topics. Take it with you on your next date.

Suggest a monthly date

Schedule a specific time regularly to discuss your relationship and, therefore, your sex life. This meeting can be monthly or even quarterly. Make it a romantic moment where you list what makes you fulfilled in the relationship and suggest some ideas for the future. This helps maintain open communication and strengthen intimacy.

Create a journal of intimate activities

You can also consider the activity book designed specifically for couples. These books offer exercises and questions that encourage communication and mutual exploration to help you discover new facets of your sexuality.

Explore creative and engaging ways to discuss your sexuality. By communicating regularly about this topic, you strengthen your emotional and sexual connection. The perfect combination to foster a fulfilling relationship on all levels! We promise, your pleasure will be all the more intense.

Now you're equipped with the best tools to talk about sex in your relationship . Remember that sexual communication is a continuous and evolving process, so don't hesitate to explore new topics and adjust your discussions over time.

Listening , open- mindedness , and mutual respect are the keys to a fulfilling sexual relationship. Take the time to deepen your understanding of each other and create a space where you can freely express your desires, boundaries, and fantasies. Furthermore, if you're looking for new horizons to explore with your partner, why not try watching pornography together ?