Why know your types of sexual desires?
With sex education centered around health and risk prevention, we only have an almost mechanical approach to our sexuality . Add to that a tinged veneer of Judeo-Christian culture where sex is for procreation and we are left with a clumsy knowledge of what inflames our insides.
Result ? An amalgam of stereotypes and taboos that we hold to be absolute truth.
Yet, a tidbit of information can be enough to take a giant step towards sexual well-being. 🚀
Kind of like discovering the joys of clitoral stimulation after years of “getting pounded”.
For many of us, that step is understanding our libido.
Breaking News : universal and spontaneous desire does not exist. We have more than an on/off switch to ignite the fire of passion. ❌
✨ Knowing and understanding the different types of sexual desire allows us to:
- understand the context of our pleasure
- tame our desires and really know what excites us
- banish the conception of a single and identical libido for all
- better communicate with his or her partner
- embrace your uniqueness and feel normal
The two types of sexual desire
The spontaneous desire
What is called spontaneous sexual desire is the sudden desire that is triggered at the sight of a sexy person or a desirable body in our eyes. ⚡
People with the spontaneous desire type are often the ones who take the initiative and initiate the relationship with their partner. In the collective imagination, they are romantic heroes who ignite at the slightest glance.
Spontaneous desire is presented in pop culture as the ideal type of desire. However, this is not the only way that leads to excitement and pleasure.
The reactive desire
Reactive desire is triggered in response to pleasure . It can appear when we are waiting for a romantic date or when our partner tenderly kisses our neck and raises the temperature. 🔥
People with reactive desire often tend to feel guilty about never wanting and not taking the first step. They can tell themselves that something is wrong with them and start the vicious cycle of stress and anxiety that hinders libido .
If you recognize yourself in this description: don't worry. Reactive desire is completely normal. As in a conversation, you simply need someone or something that tickles your pleasure for him to want to give him the answer . 💬
When you think about it, this type of excitement affects many more people than you might think.
Couples who bemoan a loss of libido sometimes don't realize they have reactive desire. Yes, at the beginning, we selected our lingerie, we prepared ourselves for hours with the desire to seduce, we increased the pleasure degree after degree. When the next time comes to live together, the excitement hasn't gone away, it just begs to be nurtured again.
Dispelling the myth of an inflamed libido
Knowing the nature of your desire is an excellent first step in deconstructing the myth of the inflamed appetite.
To go further, we suggest that you see the two types of pleasure as a frieze with "reactive desire" and "spontaneous desire" at each end. On this frieze, a slider named desire . 🙃
Your passion threshold will oscillate between these two extremes depending on the level of pleasure you need to be turned on. Each person has a rather preset slider. 📍 The level of pleasure can still evolve according to a multitude of factors. This ranges from the health of your couple to the atmosphere of the room through the beliefs you have around sexuality.
Good news: if you have a low sexual appetite, you may not have reached your pleasure threshold yet . Change your context, play with the settings, and the scorching excitement is sure to follow. 😉
As you will have understood, sexual desire is not this mystical phenomenon which appears spontaneously as in Hollywood romantic comedies. Reactive desire and spontaneous desire are really two sides of the same coin . What differentiates them is the more or less long reaction time to pleasure . To learn more about the workings of our libido and enjoy life under the sheets, we recommend our article on the subject. 😘