Having become the backdrop to an ever faster, ever busier and more productive daily life , stress is considered the evil of the century. Recognized as being the cause of many physical and mental illnesses, it also has consequences for our sexual well-being . While it can cause erectile dysfunction in males, it also affects women. The loss of libido has multiple factors and manifests itself through various symptoms that are more or less difficult to live with. With this article, we offer you some avenues of understanding and reflection to find a sexuality on fire.
The physical effects of stress on libido
When stress settles down and settles permanently, it invades the body and mind . It locks the body and puts our nervous system on red alert mode , in particular by increasing the rate of the hormone cortisol. 🚨
Moreover, most mental and psychological disorders directly affect the proper functioning of the body. You can't really separate what happens in the body and in the head.
Stress therefore has an effect on the libido, but also on the mechanisms of sexual arousal . Yes, the neurotransmitters responsible for sending pleasure hormones are the same as those for relaxation!
In addition, the secretion of adrenaline linked to anxiety, exhaustion or depression causes a certain tension in the body which prevents you from letting yourself go entirely in a moment of love.
Finally, the impact on the body can manifest itself in a dysfunction of blood circulation , which reduces the flow of blood to the genitals at the time of arousal.
The examples cited in this paragraph serve to illustrate the different actions of a state of stress, but it is important to remember that everyone reacts differently to stress.
Stress and mental load
When stress impacts our sex life, it can strike a chord with performance . As we saw in the article on positive sexuality , sex is surrounded by a myriad of injunctions.
When the desire is rare or the body is not in phase with the excitement, a vicious circle of loss of self-confidence appears.
To put it simply, you have experienced the symptoms of stress as a failure and when a next report is initiated, you find yourself invaded by anxiety. 🆘
"What if I can't have an orgasm?" "What if I'm not lubricated enough like last time?" » « And if it starts again and I lose the desire when it is I who have turned on my partner? »
You then leave the present moment and the sensations of pleasure to take refuge in the realm of your thoughts. In short, a layer of stress is added to the initial state and a moment of pleasure quickly turns into a nightmare . Thank you atmosphere. 👍
Becoming aware of the pressure you are putting on your shoulders is an excellent first step towards more acceptance of the situation and therefore less stress.
What to do to regain your libido?
Act at the root
Low libido is an indicator of a high and constant level of stress . Acting at the source of the stress is the best solution to rediscover your desire.
Indeed, simply wanting to boost your libido by hiding the causes of stress is a bad move, because it would only cause more dysregulation of the nervous system.
Depending on the severity of your situation, you can manage the stress on your own or seek the assistance of a pro such as a psychologist or a sex therapist . He or she will be able to accompany you in your quest for a more serene personal and sexual life.
If the causes of stress are in your couple, calling on a marriage therapist is an option to consider.
In any case, a little work of personal introspection in the form of journaling or reflection will help you to judge the real place of anxiety in your daily life. ✒️
Communicate with his or her partner
All fulfilled couples who last will tell you that after trust and mutual respect, good communication is the cement of a relationship . Whether you have been in a monogamous couple for years, in an open relationship or in an “unlabeled” setting with your partner, discussing your feelings and emotions is essential. 💬
Take advantage of a chill moment to open the dialogue in complete confidence. A live exchange rather than in writing is perhaps the easiest way to express yourself.
Words have real power: show what you're going through without putting yourself down or blaming your partner . Choosing to talk about a subject as taboo as a low libido is a proof of courage and a first step towards finding an answer for two. 💪
Once your partner has received your problem, he or she will surely want to provide solutions. You can then specify what you expect from the other , whether it is understanding, patience or even longer foreplay.
You can then work hand in hand to boost your libido .
Unlike physical illnesses, stress is invisible to others. Mental health is still too little taken seriously . It is often for this reason that we tend to be hard on ourselves in times of difficulty.
When this is added to the injunction of perfection and performance that hangs over female sexuality, we can quickly give ourselves the double role of executioner and victim.
Learning to love yourself and to fully accept the situation helps to limit this vicious circle of stress. Self-compassion comes down to waking up the small, empathetic voice inside us and letting it take the helm. 🤍
This can mean taking note of your paralyzing thoughts and asking yourself if you would dare to address your best friend in this way. The practice of mindfulness , through meditation for example, also allows you to accept and embrace yourself in all your humanity.
Moreover, meditation (like pleasure) is recognized for its soothing and anti-stress properties . You kill two birds with one stone by regulating your nervous system and learning to be more gentle with yourself during this period of low libido. 🍃
We hope that this article has given you some keys to understanding the link between stress and sexual desire . As there are a multitude of factors that can cause this loss of libido, there are also a variety of solo or accompanied approaches to regain a vibrant and fulfilling sex life. Desire fluctuates throughout life and its constancy is just one more myth Powerful has chosen to disintegrate! 🔥