What if we exchanged the injunction to performance for more gentleness, more slowness and more intention? This is what the slow movement offers. First appearing in the kitchen with slow food, this invitation to slow down also applies to the sphere of pleasure. Nourished by mindfulness , the practice of slow love would also be a doorway to more self-love, relaxation and a better relationship with your partner. Let's go, we tell you all about the pleasure that takes its time!
What is Slow Sex?
The philosophy of slow sex is part of the larger sex-positive movement. By moving away from performance and orgasm at all costs, this approach tinged with personal development refocuses us on our body, our emotions and the connection with our lover. She reminds us that the journey is much more precious than its destination. ✈️
Author Diana Richardson borrows from the tantric practice found in Buddhism and Hinduism to apply it to our sexual life. At the origin of the name slow sex, the American has devoted herself entirely to the teaching of so-called "tantric" sexuality since 1993.
1. Plan your antics
The belief that our moments of pleasure should be spontaneous, fiery and quick limits the opportunities to take our time and really discover the other.
Blocking out several hours , or even several days to ride the wave of pleasure is a great way to try slow sex. Having a few hours available allows us to offer more time for caresses, exploring our sensations and mapping the other's body with our hands.
This is also an opportunity to start this meeting with a joint relaxation session. 🧘
Why not follow a guided meditation or do a mindful breathing exercise during the first quarter of an hour of your meeting. Relaxation is a fundamental condition for fully experiencing your emotions without trying to make them more intense. And it's good for your health!
Abandon your daily schedule, responsibilities and injunctions on the doorstep. Stock up on refreshing drinks and let time stand still. 🍃
2. Eternalize your foreplay
Foreplay is still seen too much as a means to an end. They end when the excitement has reached the desired level before moving on to the next level : penetration or more intense stimulation . Just the term pre-liminary makes us think of a prelude before the real action.
At Puissant, we are not in agreement with the concept. What is called preliminary is an integral part of romantic relationships . Dwelling on it and taking the time to increase the desire with your partner is also very enjoyable. 🌋
To eternalize your preliminaries and live your body from the inside , we suggest you play with your senses . Combining sensoriality and sensuality is the key to rediscovering oneself and fully experiencing the present moment.
The touch ✋
Combine caresses and massage movements slowly on your partner's body. Take the time to let your hand wander, it can stop on certain areas to feel the texture, the heat and perhaps the tremors. Listen to your feelings and those of your partner.
Talk aloud about what you like , about the impressions that the other person has on you. Guide your partner or whisper compliments to him in connection with what you are experiencing at this moment.
The view 👁️🗨️
Observe your partner's body. Soak up every detail as if you wanted to engrave them in your memory. Too often we tend to take others for granted to the point of forgetting to really look at them. Gaze into his to maintain the connection and continue to experience this time together. In her book, Diana Richardson also recommends keeping your eyes open throughout the act.
The game of sensoriality can also take place in the atmosphere of your love moment. We dare dim lighting, incense and candles (away from the bed please). Massage oil and some foods can also accompany your session to make it even hotter.
3. Practice mindfulness outside of bed
Mindful lovemaking can turn into a challenge when you are more used to running from task to task and being constantly deep in thought . Coming back to the here and now can even be an agonizing experience as the mind has lost this habit.
Don't panic, it works! Coming back to your breath is our first tip for coming back to the present moment. Slow down and observe the quality of your breath : is the breath deep or shallow? Fast or slow? Also observe your rib cage gradually unfolding from the belly to the collarbones. 💨
If the breathing exercise isn't your thing, you can use your senses . For example, list 3 things you see, 2 sounds you hear, 1 object you can touch. Taking mental note of their characteristics and appearance will bring you back to the present in a heartbeat.
These techniques will help you invite more presence into your daily life. This will make it easier for you to ground yourself in the moment when the time for slow sex comes around. 🥰
We hope that these few avenues of exploration will invite you to try your hand at slow sex. This practice is in no way a new injunction where slowness and awareness would replace performance and orgasm. Our sexuality is multiple , it can be fiery and passionate, fast and aggressive as well as slow and languorous. The important thing is to always keep pleasure, consent and well-being as your compass . So, feel free to experiment with new ways of making love! 🔥