Spoiler alert: love is in reality a choice much more than an inevitability. Unlike the teachings of romantic comedies and fairy tales, he maintains himself and that's what makes him grow . When you invest, a romantic, fraternal, friendly or platonic relationship then becomes a space where you can evolve and flourish as a couple . Knowing the 5 love languages and understanding that of your partner (often very different from ours) is the way to meet the emotional needs of each person and to strengthen the lines. So cool, right? In this article, we present the theory of love language to you and guide you to easily apply it to all your relationships.
A communication key for love
Theorized by Gary Chapman, the 5 love languages suggest that we all have a privileged way of receiving and expressing affection . He counted 5 main ones:
- sweet words
- special moments
- the services rendered
Understanding these languages is much more than a simple curiosity, it is a superpower to improve our relationships! It is a key to communication to feel more connected to our loved ones , and to avoid misunderstandings which can sometimes sabotage great stories.
Classifying emotional needs into broad categories allows us to learn the secret language of love to make our relationships stronger and more fulfilling.
The 5 love languages
1. Words of Affirmation 💬
Words can be breaths of oxygen for the soul. A simple “I’m proud of you” or “you’re amazing” can transform our day.
If encouraging messages , sincere compliments and positive comments on your social networks particularly touch you, your main love language is words of affirmation. A text message to tell a friend how much their support means to you or a kind comment on a colleague's work are powerful vectors of affection!
2. Acts of service
In a world where every minute is precious, giving your time to a loved one is a solid proof of love.
Shopping for your best friend during a painful period , preparing breakfast for your partner, or helping a family member are great ways to show your partner that he or she matters to you. .
3. Gifts 🎁
Gifts aren't limited to special occasions. Much more than the object itself, it is the intention and the reflection hidden in the search for an ideal present that count.
A gift can be as simple as a cup of coffee for a colleague who needs it, a recommended book for a reading-loving friend, or even a gift card for an enriching experience.
These gestures show that you have thought about the person and want to please them.
4. Quality time 🕰️
While our daily lives are filled with hustle and distraction, giving someone your full attention becomes a precious demonstration of love.
Phone-free evenings with a loved one, deep and sincere discussions over a good glass of wine, or even quality time spent alone recharging are modern examples of this language.
It is quality and not quantity that matters most here.
5. Physical touch 🤗
Touch is used less and less as remote interactions become the norm. However, we all need tactile signs of affection and some people more than others.
Touch is much more than sexual intercourse or a kiss. A warm hug, a friendly pat on the back, or even a high-five are important signs of love for people whose love language is physical touch. They like to have their hands held and their backs stroked to maintain the connection .
How to know your love language ?
Perhaps when reading the previous list, you recognized yourself in one of the elements rather than another. If you said to yourself “but that’s too me!” » by reading one of the descriptions, there is a good chance that you already know your love language! 👏
To confirm, you can take one of the many online tests , including this one in French.
A simple introspection can also be enough. Ask yourself how you enjoy receiving love with the following questions. 🔍
What gesture particularly touches you? On the contrary, what oversight affects you?
What do you want most from your partner? Sweet words ? Activities for two?
- How do you show your affection to those close to you? Small gifts? Hugs ?
Finally, to understand your partner, we invite you each to classify the five love languages in what you think is the order of importance for the other . Afterwards, discuss it together to see what really matters to each person.
Don’t hesitate to ask the other person the question regularly . Ask him or her how you could make him or her happier. Quite simply. 😉
A reading grid rather than an absolute truth
You are now knowledgeable on the subject of love languages and ready to apply it to your relationships. It's nice !
Although they offer a fascinating perspective on communication, the theory of love languages comes from the book The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate by American Baptist pastor Gary Chapman. The work is therefore tinged with religion and a great spectacle of personal development of which only Americans have the secret. 🇺🇸
The context in which the book was written must be taken into account, because like any work, it reflects a certain vision of the world . This is important to keep in mind when exploring these concepts.
So while these languages offer valuable tools for understanding and expressing love, they are not an absolute universal truth .
We prefer to take the 5 love languages as a flexible reading grid rather than as a rule engraved in stone . Besides, why not write love language that suits you like “ Receive vibrators as gifts ”, “Order a cheeseburger after an orgasm”? 🤩
Finally, love languages are not static. They can evolve over time, influenced by our experiences, relationships and personal changes. Above all, let us remain attentive to the needs of those around us and to our own needs.
The 5 love languages open us to richer and more authentic relationships. They are much more than tools for relationships. They are a window into our own way of giving and receiving love. What if understanding these languages was also a step towards deeper self-love? To continue exploring, we invite you to discover our best self-knowledge tools ! ❤️